Saturday, November 17, 2012


I know that a lot of the time talking about money is considered a 'sin' but that is exactly what this post/rant is going to be about.

I can't finish my last semester of college. I cannot afford it and neither can my parents. I am not applicable for financial aid, don't even bring that up. I have to take one more class to graduate but as always, it would kill the world to let me have one thing that could do me an ounce of good. I will never understand why education has to be so expensive and I am only going to a community college.

My mother and myself also cannot afford the internet so more than likely after Monday if the Internet company doesn't do something good and lower their price like they usually do, I won't be able to write on here anymore, never the less be able to type and print my homework without getting up at zero dark thirty and heading to the villages library or the colleges computer lab.

Oh and I am not able to go to an OBGYN. Too expensive. No, Medicaid will not cover me. I have been on my period for two months and it sucks. No, I am not pregnant and if you actually think that I am you do not know anything medical and you surely do not know me. My doctor has switched my birth control pills and I was able to get a pelvic ultrasound only to find out that nothing is wrong with me and that I should make an appointment. $350, not happening.

All of our money is going towards medication that I need to survive. When I turned 21 my insurance did not approve of giving their life saving meds out for free anymore. I went on Medicaid but as soon as I turned 21 that was history as well. Being 21 sucks because of this.

I feel like I am going to spend the rest of my life working at a dead end job to make minimum wage only to give it all to my mother so I can have a house to sometimes sleep in at night. I could sell my body on the streets to survive, but nobody would want it and I don't live in a city where doing things like that is in the norm. Overall  I am just starting to believe that I will never going to be able to afford a plane ticket out of this state, or live in an apartment, or earn enough  money to afford a professional head shot or even earn enough to have the internet at my hands to know what  auditions are around me. But I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Having a dream at this point in time is unnecessary when I will never be able to afford it.

But I have a plan. I will start writing. I will write a novel. Sure, I will probably never be the next J.K. Rowling and I will go under a pseudonym and it is unlikely that I will not make a lot, but it's all that I can do at the moment. It is either that or win a painting contest at my college, but I do not think that this will win me $500.

 I have always wanted to write a novel but my ideas have never been in any order and my grammar is not the best. But I am going to order my thoughts along with the writing fragments of ideas I've had in the past. I am going to write.

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