Monday, March 25, 2013

Cooking Tales

I shall admit right now that I am a failure as a cook. A huge failure. I tried microwaving popcorn today and it is clear that microwaving a simple bag of popcorn is too big of a task for me! Who in the world screws up microwaving popcorn? I do. I read the box and it said 3 minutes. I open up the microwave once the dingy sound was heard and a huge cloud of smoke comes out of it and the popcorn was blacker than black. I had to open all of the windows in my house in order for the smoke to disappear. And again I must ask what the heck? How does a person mess up popcorn? It is the simplest thing in the world to make next to a sandwich! I have just reached a new low when it comes to my cooking skills.

However, this is only the second worst story I have when it comes to cooking/baking/microwaving things. When I was 16 I thought it would be fun to bake a cake. A cake of DOOM that is. How hard is it to make a cake when the instructions are on the back of the cake mix box? Very hard if you decide to read the instructions after adding ingredients to your little cake pan and bake the stupid thing. Take note my fellow future cake makers, if you are using a cake mix you usually only need eggs,water, and butter. My smart self decided to make the cake incredibly radical and add a cup of sugar, about 7 eggs, half a bag of flour, and a tablespoon of vanilla. It was then that I read the boxes list of main ingredients and just thought that adding extra stuff would make the cake look prettier and taste better! 

The instructions told me to bake the cake at about 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes, that is when another genius idea came to me. If I baked the cake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes it would take less time. Haha perfect idea! Ten minutes later my oven was on fire. Needless to say my cake did not turn out good. 

I feel like my grandmother would be so ashamed of me. She was the best cook in the world and would always make things from scratch. I used to help her make pies and cookies and stuff but obviously I never got enough practice because everything I make seems to turn into horribleness. Obviously I need more practice.

Some other things I learned; do not put these types of plates in the microwave. 

They will burn!!! I did this at my old house to some plate and ended up throwing the thing in my neighbors yard so my mom wouldn't know how I almost burned her house down. 

 At least nobody in their right mind can make "'the woman belongs in the kitchen" jokes to me. You want me in your kitchen? Okay. *blows everything up and sets your house on fire.* If I ever throw a dinner party everyone is getting cereal. CEREAL. And eggs, because they are the one thing that I have not managed to flambe yet. 

Thursday, March 21, 2013


*Please take note, these are my personal opinions. If you disagree with them feel free to write your own post on this topic.

I'm not sure where you all stand when it comes to remakes and not-from-the-first-original-movie type sequels, but as a general rule I could live without them. Same goes for book 'sequels' that are not written by the original author. Don't get me wrong I do like some remakes and sequels, but most I want to burn in a fire hoping that it never plagues the world with it's wrongness ever again.

What brings on this topic you may ask? Lately it seems that Hollywood thinks it a wonderful idea to sequalize or show re-imaginings of everything. For example; Oz: The Great and Powerful. I have not seen this movie and make no plans to do so considering the entire idea just aggravates me. Raimi has made some great movies in the past but this is unforgivable to me. Frank L. Baum wrote ALL OF THESE BOOKS.
Please tell me where is Oz: The Great and Powerful on there? That's right it isn't. This is an original idea from Raimi and it just makes me mad that people keep wanting to make "original stories" from Frank L. Baum's original novels. If you want to do that write fanfiction and stop with the musicals and the books and the movie remakes. Oz is not yours, it is L.Frank Baum's. 

From what I have read about Oz I cannot imagine me liking it even if it is a masterpiece. Sure, ideas were indeed left out of the 1939 movie with Judy Garland and obviously the movie was not 100% like the book, but when people hear the title The Wizard Of Oz they usually associate it with the Victor Fleming classic musical movie version despite the fact that a few movies were made out of the Oz novels before 1939 but they fell short. 

Either way though, I am personally not a fan of The Wizard of Oz being redone or having the story line screwed over because it is the cool thing to do these days. Also, is it possible for Hollywood to stop CGI-ing everything?  I am talking about Oz specifically because on facebook a girl I know stated that she has never seen The Wizard of Oz and that the only reason should would ever watch such a film is to make comparisons to Oz: The Great and Powerful. Now things like this really infuriate me. I can understand if you have never seen the original movie if you live in Zambia or something, but to have not seen the original film when you are a living,breathing citizen of the U.S. that is just sad. Have your parents no heart? It is a right of childhood to be terrified of The Wicked Witch and her flying monkeys! 

In 2014 another adaption of The Wizard of Oz is going to come up. Why can't people just watch the original? Have people really become that lazy that they have to depend on remakes with famous actors to enhance their watching experience? If this is the case then I weep for future generations.

Now that I am done writing about The Wizard of Oz I feel that a list of horrible and not so horrible movies are in order;
The Bad
1. Psycho. This Alfred Hitchcock's most famous movie, best known for the shower scene. Why on earth did    anyone think it was a great idea to remake this in 1998? Who the hell agreed to this? Personally the 1998 version takes away half of the terror of Hitchcok's original black and white version. Did they really think they could do this movie better than Hitchcock? Idiots. 

2. Arthur. Now I saw the original movie when my director told me to watch it to get a sense of "drunkness." I'm not sure if it helped but I absolutely loved it. I recently saw the Russell Brand version and I was not that impressed with it but that may just be because I am partial to the original. I love Helen Mirren and thought she did brilliantly in it though.

3.  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory-I am a huge fan of Burton and Johnny Depp but I really couldn't stand this movie and the Oompa Loompa's made me want to throw myself off of a bridge. Also, I found most of the kids to be terrible actors, or maybe everything was so scripted that it just left out all the magic that the original had. I will admit that some good quotes did come out of this though.

4. The Wicker Man- I shall say this once, this movie was intended to be a horror film. However it is comedy gold. Yeah, everyone knows Cage isn't the best actor and you can tell in this movie, but I will admit that I do like 
The National Treasure series, which really has absolutely nothing to do with The Wicker Man. The one liners are hilarious and I'm almost positive that none of the scenes add up to anything important.  But watch these clips and tell me that this movie is scary and try your best not to laugh.

5. Halloween 2007- I saw this last year as a matter of fact. Can someone please explain to me why remakes need to always add a stupid backstory to make the plot more intense? Really I am curious. However I will never accept the fact that Dr. Loomis is a jerk and a media whore! I will also not accept that fact that Meyer's had a reason behind his killings and is a "real human" with "emotions" or whatever it was they tried to pull off. In my opinion in any horror movie, the more we know about the crazy killer, the less scary they are. Meyer's does not need a backstory to kill you. 

6. Get Carter- Stallone is not Michael Cane, Stallone is Rocky and Rambo. Therefore making this movie a complete failure. 


7. One Missed Call- Dear Lord this IS the worst Japanese horror remake I have ever had to experience, it was so bad it was hilarious. If you plan to see this don't expect horror, expect hilariousness. At least in the original version you could tell the director had a clever plot! 

8. Black Christmas- This is one of those movies that should not have had any business being remade. The original wasn't that great but the 2006 version was a disgrace. I swear nobody in this remake had any personality and they took out the police subplot that gave the earlier film some depth and added in  a dumber than hell backstory about the mother and Billy. The one good thing I can say about this movie is that it displays what NOT to do if you know a killer is nearby. 

The Good

1. The Karate Kid- It had the same heart as the original and I can appreciate that. Sure, it's not THE Karate Kid but I still liked it.

2. The Parent Trap- Back when Lindsay was completely loony, this version is somewhat of a modernized take on the original but it works.

3. Man of Fire- I'm not sure if it's because I saw the Denzel version first or what, but I thought the 2004 version was just as good if not better than the original.

4. King Kong- Yeah, it was a long film, nearly twice as long as the original but that doesn't make it any less fantastic. Sure, there are some bad casting choices, but compared to the original this was a hit.

5. A Star Is Born- I love both the Barbara and Judy films equally.

6. The Producers- Again, loved both of the films equally. The 1968 one had Gene Wilder, but I liked Springtime for Hitler better in the new one.

Overall it really depends on the director,cast, and script to either make or break a remake/re-imagination of a movie. Nevertheless, if Gone With The Wind ever get's signed for a remake, I will personally go to wherever it is being filmed and burn the entire set to the ground just like Atlanta.  

Idiots on Facebook Round 3, I Think?

I play this game a lot on my twitter. It's not really a game per-say but it makes me laugh every time I play it. Basically you go on someones profile who you didn't like in school or don't like in general, and copy and paste their stupid status if it's worth re-posting  There is only one way to not get involved with this game; Make your profile private or type like a normal human being. If you choose not to follow these rules you are fair game.

We shall begin!

I like da cowboys n angles song!- Cowboys and Angles? Not familiar with that one. Then again I'm not all that familiar with much country music these days but adding anything mathematical into any type of song will automatically make it strange. 

DJs shorts blueberry yuuup- I will admit to looking up what this guy was trying to say. Apparently a dj shorts blueberry is a type of marijuana. Why would anyone care about what type of illegal drug you are doing? This type of status just makes me want to create my own status and say "Diet Coke!" to see if anyone will like it and care about my beverage of choice.

hillin wit my homies on the porch in the hood- Translation; I am on a hill with my friends on a porch in a bad part of the town's  neighborhood. What makes this status so funny is that this guy lives in my town and we don't have a "hood" anywhere near here. Or a hill anywhere near a porch for that matter. 

 im so fuckkin sick of this BULLSHIT!!!fer real tho;; they DONT kno SHIT bout what they think they do. its lookin like we bout ta have to prove them wrong, jus like we had ta do with em.- I can't even translate this monstrosity. I am going to assume that this girl thinks she is "bad" so she likes to type thought provoking statuses and type scaaaary threats at people who are obviously not on her friends list. She'll show em though.  Ain't nobody gonna prove dem wrong! 

Mugz 4 hunging.- Translation; Hanging up mug shots. I didn't even know people did that anymore. 

Hello Fam!..(For some reason I doubt this guy only has family on his facebook. I don't enjoy being called "fam" it makes me feel like I'm in a crazy cult) Oh Snap...After a BEAUTIFUL RESTED NAP..Lol.. (that's so funny! LOL. RESTED NAP! As opposed to the kind of nap where you don't sleep!) My mind is clear and ready to rock. Abt (I think they are trying to teach us the alphabet! EFK...)_  to finished up watching up the 2nd Season of GOLDEN~GIRLS.. (Golden Girls is a great show. Really, it is.) Than Abt to knock this nglsh Hmewrk out. (From the way you are typing, I severely doubt your english homework stands a chance.) U Knw How I Do!..(NO! I really DON'T know how you do and I really do not want to know!) Make It Do Wht It Do..An Then Sum..Have a GREAT NIGHT FAM.. (I don't even know what he's trying to tell us anymore other than he thinks we are related which we are not. He is a creepy sir.)

Hvin a daughtr sux!- Dear guy who wrote this, maybe you should have thought about this before banging the girl and impregnating her! This status really made me mad. It's your own fault you have a daughter now, and you should love her and act like an adult considering you made the choice to have sex. If the outcome is not what you wanted then it's your own damn fault for not waiting in the first place. 

That's all that I found for now. I'm thinking of doing this every month or so. It is my hope that one day I won't have to do this but for some reason I think that may take awhile.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

No Title Because It Is Title-less

Sorry I've been gone for so long my dear readers! I have been busy like a bee lately! As many of you may have read I was supposed to have gotten "kicked out" of my house a few weeks ago. Well THAT didn't happen and we are all good now. Happy dancey times! I deleted my previous post on the subject because it was just me having a ranty kind of bad day and nobody really wants to read about my one day problems, and I don't want to relive them so I decided to delete it. I have every power to do so, after all it is my blog.

Speaking of blogging I am glad that I have stuck with blogspot. I was looking at Wordpress the other day and that just seems to be one hell of a technological mess that I could personally never figure out. Plus on here you can write in colors!!! Now I am sounding like an infomercial so I'm just going to stop writing. 

But that's just a little update for you guys, I'm thinking about making another blog relating to theatre but I'm not 100% sure if I will or not yet. Stay tuned for more updates on here. I have a lot to write about!