Saturday, December 31, 2011

And Now I'm All Alone Again Nowhere To Go No One To Turn To

I did not want you money sir, I came out here cause' I was told to.... (yes, I am a Mizzy)

Happy New Years Eve everyone!
Wait, who exactly am I writing this to? That's right NO ONE. Because I am here at my house this New Year's because it's not like people invited me to their parties or 'social gatherings' or anything. But I guess to do things like that you have to have friends and let's just say my 'friends' are very few and the ones I do occasionally hang out with are hanging someplace else. And even if I did go somewhere it would have probably been with a bunch of people that I feel completely out of place with and who I can't relate to and who don't have anything to say. Then again, I don't think parties would really be my thing so maybe it's good that I didn't know about them until the last minute. However that doesn't mean that I don't wish  I had a life or somewhere to go like everyone else on Facebook. It's just lonely. ='(

I was actually dreading tomorrow since yesterday. Now that tomorrow is here I'm despising it even more. People should not be alone during the holidays, it's just sad. I've had 5 emotional breakdowns today which is a record for me. I also learned that if you cry in public nobody will care or even notice. Or they will notice and give you a stare of death which just makes you feel even more depressed because you are basically a ghost and it makes you realize that yes, you are all alone.

That is my plan this New Year's Eve: being alone. And when I say that I am alone it means that the only person who talks to me on a regular basis (my mom) decided it would be fun to go out of town for a holiday party for work this New Year's. She'll be back around 3 am or so. I'm starting to wish that this really would be the last year on earth.  People say what ever you are doing at midnight on New Years is what you'll be doing next New Years. Fanfreakingtastic.

Seriously, what am I going to tell people about what I did on New Year's if they ask me? I learned to love Snapple green tea. That is it. I didn't associate with anyone, I didn't go to 'da bar' or 'da club' or to 'da party' because I'm a social outcast who never get's invited anywhere and talks to too many people who forget her name the minute they see her in the hallway or at the store or won't acknowledge her existance and invite her places because she "lives out of the area" or "wouldn't like it." Oye.

Screw New Year's Eve. I hate these days when everyone goes out and has fun, it confronts me with just how lonely and pathetic I am. So much that I have been contemplating for a few days now on taking sleeping pills and going to bed early and not even celebrating the New Year.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

What Did I Do Today?!?!?

It may surprise you but I went to a suicide seminar! I have been going to a counselor for a few months now because of my depression and a few other things and she personally recommended that I go to this to show me why life isn't so terrible. Not only was it embarassing to have to ask someone for a ride to this thing but to sit in a room of people who are 50 years older than you or have no interest except to get more ideas for the psychiatric practice was horrid.

So I walk in, I bring in my drink and ask my dad to come and pick me up at 3 which was when the seminar ends. Ok, cool, right? I forgot to mention that I was drinking a diet coke considering I didn't get to sleep until 4:30 this morning. As soon as I walk in the door and take a seat the lady who was the speaker comes directly toward me, asks me my name, (and it stated in the little pamphlet that we can remain anonymous if we want- so I went with the name 'Jane' because it's technically nobody's business who I am or why I'm here.) then she takes my drink which was laying on the floor, throws it away and states very loudly for the entire room to hear; "CAFFEINE IS A LARGE CAUSE OF WHY PEOPLES MINDS HAVE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!"

Wait a minute, what? That's a new one! I never knew a drink could possibly make your brain think things. Maybe if you drink 20 of those things you could start having suicidal thoughts and heart palpitations but I have never heard that suicide can be prevented by not consuming caffeine. I learned something today! *sarcasm*

Then this speaker goes up to the front and starts speaking to us as if we are 10 years old and using 'metaphors' and 'acronyms' and I bloody hate metaphors and acronyms! To quote this lady; "If you ever feel that you are suicidal do the following!"
A - Activity. Do something. - But let's not specify what that 'something' is! Polishing our dagger collection could be a 'something.'
C - Contribute.Get out and contribute to the world! - Maybe the world is what is making some people feel terrible. Bad idea.
C - Comparisons. Compare yourself with others.- How does this help?!?!? Comparing myself to little orphan Annie makes me sadder, comparing myself to popular Patty who's had 20 different boyfriends just irritates me!
E - Emotions. Watch your emotions. Don't let yourself get too emotional. - 1. You cannot physically watch emotions, control them yes, watch them you cannot. 2. Like you have the right mindset to control these emotions when you are having a mental breakdown.
P- Push Away and put those stinkin' thinkin' feelings in a box and put them up on a shelf and don't pay attention to them!- This phrase makes me not feel suicidal anymore! Instead this phrase actually makes me want to get the closest pointy object out and kill YOU!
T - Thoughts. Think positively, don't be a Negative Nelly, don't think of the bad, change your thinking. - *headdesk* Change your thinking. How. How am I supposed to do that?!?!? Oh and Negative Nelly!

Later she went on to tell us about how her teenager ran out infront of a car because he was feeling like a "Darwin Downer." and how she read online about ACCEPT and that it helped him succeed and graduate high school. And she also found that using football metaphors helped him and a lot of other people attending her seminar cope. For example 'happy' means "I'm dancing in the end zone!" Sports metaphors also help you become a better person... please do not ask me how.

I also learned that if you know someone who's feeling suicidal use ACE: Ask, Care, Escort. For the record that is the suicide prevental/training acronym for the U.S. military and should probably not be used outside a military base.

"The Army ACE acronym is used to reinforce the basic concepts needed by a battle buddy in order to help a suicidal Soldier. Ask your buddy about his or her suicidal thoughts. Care for your battle buddy by understanding that your battle buddy may be in pain. Escort your battle buddy immediately to your chain of command, chaplain or behavioral health professional."

I doubt anyone at this seminar had a battle buddy with them at the time or could speak to a chain of command about their feelings. FAIL.

Lady who gave this seminar, you are a fraud and I cannot relate to you at all. You are a damn motivational speaker who's in it for the paycheck and have never been suicidal or even depressed in your life and I despise people like you. When you are contemplating suicide you are not going to be doing or thinking about these things or using acronyms and metaphors to be a "Positive Peter."

Monday, December 26, 2011

To Catch A Predator

Why don’t you have a seat?

Hope everyone had a very Merry and memorable Christmas! =P Apparently the day after Christmas people like to show To Catch a Predator marathons at 11:00 at night because nothing screams 'holiday spirit' like watching some creeper get told off by Chris Hansen! It's even more hilarious when the creeper get's caught by Chris Hansen twice within 24 hours, like this guy!

Seriously what the heck goes through this persons mind? "Haha! I'm so clever! I know Chris Hansen just talked to me about the dangers of going to jail for lewd conduct but that's ok because I still have a computer with an all access chat room! But it would be foolish to change my sexy screen name.. oh look! A 13 year old of the female persuassion. AHAHAHA! I'm getting lucky tomorrow!"
..."I have been in television 24 years"
@#$%^&*!  "I was just gonna get something to eat!" Technically, that's true.... 0_o

Seriously Im curious to know what this guy was thinking?!?!?

Then there's this creepy creeper who has to be my ultimate favorite:

"Oooops!" LOL. What!!!! I don't even... this is just too hilarious for words.

As I was watching this marathon I am starting to notice a few things;

1. The 18 year old decoy always tells the pedo the same thing; "I made some cookies!" "There's some lemonade on the counter have a glass while I put the  laundry away" or "Hey come on in I made some sweet tea."

2. Every man pretty much says the exact same thing.

3. No, Chris Hansen is NOT the girls father you loony bird. Chris Hansen is the guy you do not want to meet in the real world because he appears in your nightmares and wants you to sit the hell down and says things like "What did you have on the menu for tonight?" because he's Chris freaking Hansen and he's awesome.

4. These men are not here to have sex although he brought alcohol and condoms. This girl never said she was a minor. Those chat logs lie, they never wrote anything like that. They took pictures of their non exisentent 'manhood' that they don't derserve to have as a joke! They are only here to play scrabble! Yeah...scrabble. (edit: which I just learned is a euphemism used for sex! People are strange.)

5. "I am only here to warn the child about the hazards of talking to people online!" Because not everyone is
as trusting as the middle aged guy who walked into the kitchen naked!

All joking aside, as much as I love the show, I think it is completely ineffective when they only give the guys caught two or less months in prison. What these idiots are doing is wrong and sick on a lot of different levels and I really wish the show would air new episodes considering there are still a lot of creepers online wanting to do inappropriate things to children and it just disgusts me. I'm not trying to sound harsh, a lot of these people need help, some of them aren't mentally stable and I understand that. However, no treatment method we currently have works for pedophiles and apparently many sex offenders that are convicted confess to having far more victims than the one they were convicted for. It is  kind of hard to cry for them when they are doing things that can affect a childs life in a not so positive way.

Christmas Movies

A guy on facebook the other day asked his followers what their favorite Christmas movie was which I thought would be a fun thing to blog about.

My favorite Christmas movie of all time is a tie between National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and A Christmas Carol. I remember my mom always watching NLCV whenever she was wrapping people's presents when I was younger. I never understood how somebody could possibly laugh throughout an entire Christmas film. Turns out it is entirely possible.

When I was 15 years old I watched the movie for the very first time and thought it was one of the most hilarious things that I had seen in awhile. The Christmas lights and sledding have to be some of my favorite parts but I think this one had me literally rofl:

As for A Christmas Carol, it is a movie everyone had seen or atleast knows the storyline. The movie is based off of the novel of the same name by Charles Dickens and is about a mean, cheap, greedy, heartless,
 miser named Ebenezer Scrooge who hates Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, Scrooge is visited by his old partner Marley and is told that he will be visited by three ghosts who will make it their mission to try and transform him into a kinder person so that he doesn't have a terrible afterlife. It has always been one of my favorite stories, so much so that I wrote one of my psychology papers on Mr. Scrooge during the spring. I also learned a week or so ago that the lovely and talented Carrie Preston (Arlene Fowler from True Blood) first saw her husband Michael Emerson (who is one of my favorite actors ever; Ben Linus from LOST) when he was performing as multiple characters during the stage version of A Christmas Carol. There's just an interesting tid bit for you.

Now please enjoy this hilarious video from The George Lopez show on how we can keep Christmas real!


So I hope everyones Christmas has gone well! Surprisingly nothing extraordinarily horrid happened yesterday which is good news considering I was able to relax a little. I didn't really ask for anything for Christmas but I must say that I am thrilled that I recieved The Lion King dvd and a few other things one including a pink bunny pillow pet which is uber adorable!

During Christmas the family went over to my cousins house and ate tacos- because everyone knows tacos are related to the joyous holiday of Christmas!!! =P But the cousins boyfriend was being a complete ass yet again only this time to his black lab which only wanted some attention, and he just starts screaming at it and then throws it outside because she was "getting on his nerves." Well the lab kept starring at me through the window and because I felt incredibly bad I went outside and started playing fetch with it and then let her back inside which apparently was a huge mistake because 10 seconds later said boyfriend was in my face screaming; "Why'd you let her back in here! She's a nuissance and doesn't need to BE in the room! *dogs name* sit!"

Ok first of all everyone was getting along with the dog until you came around, and she wasn't even getting in anyones way or being annoying!  I understand that it is your house but I refuse to tolerate idiots who treat their pets like nuissances.

Because I was getting so irritated with this guy my words to him were: " If she is such a nuissance why don't I just take her home then considering you obviously could care less for her."
His response; "Whatever!" then he walked away annoyed and my family- specifically my cousin, had a few choice words to say to me and that I should basically just 'let it go.' The dog stayed in the house though, she had a Merry Christmas.

Afterwards we all just played UNO and I annihilated everyone considering I won 9 times out of 10. The boyfriend was not amused by this what so ever which made me extremely happy.

Although it was somewhat fun yesterday, this year for me was more about giving. I donated to a few charities of my choice and was able to pick a name off of a tree to help a few kids and their mother who weren't able to do much this year considering the mother was in the hospital due to having cancer. =( I really hope that family and EVERYONE had a great and memorable Christmas. =P

I kind of feel bad though because I only sent out two different Christmas cards this year, hopefully I didn't hurt too many feelings because of this! Oh! And my literature teacher in college told the class that if we wrote a letter to Santa she would personally put it in the mailbox at Macy's because it gave $1 to the Make-A-Wish Foundation and because I knew someone in the past involved with Make-A-Wish I thought it would be a nice gesture. Unfortunetley I wasn't able to give it to the teacher because I completely forgot due to the stress of final exams, however I personally made a trip to Macy's when I was at the mall recently just because I wanted to help.

Overall my Christmas was great and I hope everyone out there also had a happy holidays!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas Eve

So I hope everyone here had a terrific Christmas Eve and will have a great Christmas tomorrow! Overall today was just like any other day of the year. My dad came over and we unwrapped gifts and had lunch and stuff which was really fun, but at 3:00 he had to leave due to my mother and myself having to attend our Christmas Eve at my grandmothers house which I was absolutely dreading. When it comes to celebrating the holiday times with my family, I really would rather spend the holidays alone. Christmas is never really about family and love anymore like it used to be. In fact if memory serves me correctly Christmas started out as a tribute to the birth of The Christ as some believe. Now a spiritual thing has been commercialized and said commercialization has become a huge part of the economics of many countries. As for my family, Christmas is about seeing who can possibly make a bigger idiot out of themselves.
When we arrived my grandmother was pretty much already drunk and continuing to poison herself with alcohol- discreetly of course. Because everyone knows if you drink booze in a coffe cup it is less suspicious when you pass out later. As for my cousin, she brought her boyfriend along who I seriously cannot stand. He never speaks a single word to me and I swear that he thinks he is a lot better than the rest of us because he works at a freaking telephone company. During dinner this idiot thinks it would be such a classy idea to watch the game on his cell phone and completely ignore everyone else.Who does that?!?!? He even had the audacity to say to my cousin and myself, and I quote; "This game is life or death! Christmas comes every year! It's almost the 3rd quarter so be quiet!" 0_0 I swear to God if I ever had a boyfriend say something like that to me he would have a really close view of the game-considering his head would be smashed through a television screen!

My cousin was being her usual self only today she seemed a bit less annoying than usual. But hey! let us ruin that by telling me that I need to start liking things girls my age like, her examples included Justin Bieber and The Kardashians. NO. Oh and FYI dear cousin of mine along with your boyfriend, Will Ferrell is not God or a comedic genius. He is a lousy actor who is about as funny as a mass murder. Yelling does not make something funny, especially when it is poorly delivered. Also, Elf is not in the same category as It's A Wonderful Life, comparing the two just shows your idiocy.

My aunt wanted to start drama as she always does so there wasn't anything different about her this holiday season minus the fact that she made a fruitcake with liquor which she claimed "get's you buzzed!" Why on earth would anyone want to eat that? I'm guessing that having a massive hang over on Christmas will not be a fun time!

As for me, instead of hanging out and trying to carry on a conversation with these family members after we all ate and they conversed about their lives and the pathetic people in them, I read. I read children's books to be exact, 28 of them. Nobody even noticed I wasn't speaking until we left and frankly I doubt my voice was missed, it's not like I can get a word in around any of them anyways without being judged or critisized. Lately I have noticed that I can be in a room full of people I have been related to my entire life and after every single person has belittled each other to make themselves seem powerful, it's pretty lonely. It would have basically been the same situation if I was alone for the holidays only maybe my feelings could have been spared.

Tomorrow I am forced to deal with these people again. With any luck all will go well.

Have a Happy Holidays everyone! =)


I basically just did this as a collage project along with several others after some kid in my class said that books were lame and Jane Austen never existed. No books are not lame, sure some are A LOT better than others but if you think that every single book sucks me and you need to have a serious talk. And if you think Jane Austen is just a figment of your own imagination I weep for you.

Some of my favorite books: