Never again am I going out in public with my split-personality grandmother. NEVER. Why do you ask? Well for one she drinks alcohol like there's no tomorrow and the second reason is she acts really awkward in public and when I say awkward I mean worse than Kanye West interrupting the Grammy's awkward because she takes everyone down with her.
Example from today;
Me and her went to this store sale where she volunteers-so she can essentially make an appearance and show off. That part was fun, for once she didn't verbally attack me and boss me around or flaunt herself off in public (there weren't any guys around so that could be a logical reason why as well.)Well done grandmother!
Then she tells me that we are going out for lunch at a bar/restraunt thing I've never been to before which I thought would be really cool. And this is where everything falls apart. After putting on her mardi-gras beads which she keeps in the car for who knows why, she waltzes into this restraunt. So I ask her "Hey we need to wait and be seated don't we?" she completely avoids me, walks straight forward twisting her head in every direction like the exorcist trying to obviously find someone or, I'm sorry, "find a table" while Im just standing there looking something like this;
So then she turns the corner to the right and I follow her which was a big mistake on my part considering she wasn't finished being psychotic yet! Then there was this guy who works there around my age and he was giving her the same look as me, then he calmly turns to me, gives me a dude- I- feel-sorry-for-you look, and asks both of us"Do you need a table?"
My grandmother then thought it would be fun to completely ignore him and walk out the door causing me to
have to profusely apologize for her. Her response when I met her back
in the car was; "It's too busy. You'll take me someplace else."
Will I? Can you guarantee that I will take you someplace that does not involve psychiatric treatment?
Of course she can! She's the one that's driving! We ended up going to McDonald's which I'm personally not a fan of but because she likes it I went there because I'm a good person. Again, big mistake, but this time it wasn't just her fault!
When I was trying to get a beverage of iced tea out of the soda machine a bunch of soda water fills my glass and if you have ever had soda water you know that it's not the best tasting stuff in the world. So as I'm emptying my glass and rinsing it out with water a man who's at least 45 years old comes up and hugs me! Note that I do not know this man and I am highly uncomfortable with people I do not know touching, let alone hugging me. This is how it went down:
-Guy hugs me, my look >8/ -
Moronic Guy: Sara! I haven't seen you since last October baby!
Me: Ummm I'm not Sara. You must have me confused with someone else...
*In my mind* "WTF! Release me at once or I will literally stab your eyes out with this bendy straw!!!
Moronic Guy: Are you sure?
*No, I'm not sure dude, I am obviously not mentally stable enough to know what my name is!*
continues: Because we used to "do things" remember?
Me: Seriously you have me confused with someone else. I'm only 20.
Moronic Guy: My bad!
>leaves to go sit down at his table with his CHILDREN!<
That was very...unusual. Who just randomly goes up to people, gives them a hug, then directly reminds them that they used to "do things" right infront of their children?! That is not proper or appropriate in any situation! If it was a 'flirting technique' it was beyond creepy and would not land him a date with any female no matter how desperate they are.
Thank the Lord my grandmother was in the restroom when this happened or I may have died a little on the inside.
But then she comes out and blantantly points at the creepy guy and tells me in her not so quiet voice; "That guy is white trash!" Thanks for pointing that out grandmother, because frankly I always find it a swell idea to shout secret insults while pointing!
As horrendous as this day sounds, I did live.