And Now I'm All Alone Again Nowhere To Go No One To Turn To

I did not want you money sir, I came out here cause' I was told to.... (yes, I am a Mizzy)

Happy New Years Eve everyone!
Wait, who exactly am I writing this to? That's right NO ONE. Because I am here at my house this New Year's because it's not like people invited me to their parties or 'social gatherings' or anything. But I guess to do things like that you have to have friends and let's just say my 'friends' are very few and the ones I do occasionally hang out with are hanging someplace else. And even if I did go somewhere it would have probably been with a bunch of people that I feel completely out of place with and who I can't relate to and who don't have anything to say. Then again, I don't think parties would really be my thing so maybe it's good that I didn't know about them until the last minute. However that doesn't mean that I don't wish  I had a life or somewhere to go like everyone else on Facebook. It's just lonely. ='(

I was actually dreading tomorrow since yesterday. Now that tomorrow is here I'm despising it even more. People should not be alone during the holidays, it's just sad. I've had 5 emotional breakdowns today which is a record for me. I also learned that if you cry in public nobody will care or even notice. Or they will notice and give you a stare of death which just makes you feel even more depressed because you are basically a ghost and it makes you realize that yes, you are all alone.

That is my plan this New Year's Eve: being alone. And when I say that I am alone it means that the only person who talks to me on a regular basis (my mom) decided it would be fun to go out of town for a holiday party for work this New Year's. She'll be back around 3 am or so. I'm starting to wish that this really would be the last year on earth.  People say what ever you are doing at midnight on New Years is what you'll be doing next New Years. Fanfreakingtastic.

Seriously, what am I going to tell people about what I did on New Year's if they ask me? I learned to love Snapple green tea. That is it. I didn't associate with anyone, I didn't go to 'da bar' or 'da club' or to 'da party' because I'm a social outcast who never get's invited anywhere and talks to too many people who forget her name the minute they see her in the hallway or at the store or won't acknowledge her existance and invite her places because she "lives out of the area" or "wouldn't like it." Oye.

Screw New Year's Eve. I hate these days when everyone goes out and has fun, it confronts me with just how lonely and pathetic I am. So much that I have been contemplating for a few days now on taking sleeping pills and going to bed early and not even celebrating the New Year.