Saturday, February 22, 2014

Don't Underestimate Understudies

When I got up this morning I checked my Tumblr and found this;

This lady's name is Donna Vivino. She was the UNDERSTUDY for Elphaba in the musical Wicked. 

Jackie Burns was originally cast as Elphaba but sadly had to miss her last performance due to a case of viral laryngitis. 

This is a perfect example as to why when people say "understudy's aren't as good as the original" you have my full permission to punch them directly in the face. I have seen a ton of wonderful understudy's and let me tell you, all of them were FANTASTIC. Not once have I ever seen an understudy and thought "Oh I bet the originally casted person does way better than this guy!" Never have I thought that. When I saw The Lion King Scar had an understudy that day and he was absolutely wonderful. At a somewhat local theatre production the character of Annie had an understudy perform for her in Annie. And she rocked.

Basically don't diss understudies because if you do you are a moron and will look extremely foolish when said understudy who has put up with so much crap from the other actors/stage crew/directors takes the stage and outshines the male or female who is listed in the programme as that character. 

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Let's Talk About Today

Today was absolutely and utterly agonizing.

I woke up at 7 this morning to find out that my blood sugar was 36 so I had to get out of my bed and go pour myself some orange juice and watch bad music television to keep myself awake. I fell back asleep at 8 then got up at 11 to start getting ready for the terrible day that would come to be.

And just to get this rant out of the way, my blood sugar has been low all day today which means I've had to drink about 80,000 gallons of juice. Most people tend to adore orange juice but I am getting exceedingly tired of drinking it! I know there is some person out there who is thinking right now "Why doesn't she just have M&Ms to get her sugars up?" and to that person I must kindly say that you do not know what you are talking about. Juice helps me, candy does not. The more you know.

I was going to an acting audition today for my college and was totally prepared for it. It's a play about murder and crazy murder plays are usually super fun! I've done stuff like this in the past and let me tell you something about horror plays, they never get boring or old. I actually decided on wearing a pink dress and black leggings to the audition to try and stand out, and I thought I looked very nice so that's always a plus. Lord knows I hardly ever feel like I look nice. But apparently if I feel good about myself something bad has to happen. Those are the forever unwritten rules for my life!

So I go inside the theatre and say hello to everyone and after five minutes I step outside again. Why? Because the younger generation of misfits who call themselves directors and stage managers would not allow me to audition or even read from the script as a stand in. I am giving them the biggest thumbs down right now as I type this. I couldn't audition because, and I quote;

"We already have the two girls we want for the parts picked out. I cast them yesterday. We aren't gender swapping in this play. Better luck next time. Bye."

(I'm sure my face resembled this guy's during that lovely lecture of importance.)

Did they for real in reality just tell me that I couldn't audition because I'm a girl? Because all the girl parts have been cast already despite the fact that the auditions were scheduled for TWO DAYS? Because there's no gender swapping in this play? I think there's a law against such idiocy somewhere out there in lawyer world! To the neanderthals who are running this little play; if I do some digging and find some information based on how bogus you are when it comes to organizing this thing you are going to look foolish and that will be your own fault entirely. You completely wasted my time and made me angry. A person is not to do both of those things within the same hour, especially when it involves me! It is also not recommended to make a huge scene out of your wrongness and sexism in front of five other guys.

About two hours later these people posted the cast list. It came as no surprise that the two girls who were cast were the "directors" girlfriend and the girlfriends best friend. Because that is totally not playing favorites or anything!!! Ugh! Maybe should get a boyfriend who's a director. Then maybe I'll get a lead in a freaking play, or at least be cast in one! When people do stuff like this it infuriates me beyond reason. Yes, life can be unfair but this is total BS and I just want things like this to stop happening in the world. It's stupid and mean and completely ridiculous and uncalled for. It's not like this was a SAG production. It's a play written by a former student and put on/casted by a younger generation of simple minded imbeciles!!!

About an hour later my mom came home to tell me that her and my grandmother will be going on a bus trip for work to Indiana on April 11th, which is the day my birthday happens to fall on. She kept yelling at me about how this would be a good opportunity to explore the world. Yes. Because I wish to go to Indiana on my birthday and sit in a hotel room by myself after riding on a bus with some old lady's for two hours. For the record, these old lady's are my dads friends and they just so happen to exist to purely irritate me beyond belief. These are the types of questions they ask me every time I'm in the same room with them;
"Are you done with college yet?" (Yes.)
"What are you going to do noooowww?" (Jump out of this bus and hope I don't break my leg whilst doing so.)
"Who's the former guy in your life?" (To have a former guy you would have to have an old-former guy and yeah, none of that's ever happened so this question only makes me want to vomit on your face.) 
"When are you going to start working with us?" (When are you going to LEAVE ME BE?!?!?) 

So I'm not going. No way. I'd rather be alone on my birthday and cry tears of sadness than ever be on a bus for one minute with these people. But at least my mother had the decency to inform me beforehand on how my birthday this year was going to play out.

And then there's tomorrow.

But who knows? Maybe because today went so badly tomorrow will be the only Valentine's Day where I don't accidentally hurt myself!

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Super Bowl 2014 Recap

  • Martin Sheen and some other peeps read the Declaration of Independence before the Super Bowl because as we are all aware, a 200+ year old document is TOTALLY related to football.
  • Queen Latifah sang America The Beautiful, not our National Anthem. Please get this straight American citizens. Why they chose Queen Latifah is something I shall ponder on another day.
  • Renee Fleming was amazing as she always is and rocked our National Anthem.
  • FOOTBALL TIME. RAWR. FOOTBALL! Because all football fans say RAWR. It's a thing. 
  • Incase you are like me and only learned yesterday who was playing, it is the Broncos vs. the Seahawks. The Seahawks are the ones with this guy on the team. Take note, he was a communications major.
  • I think this calls for a life lesson, if you can believe anything is possible! Just look how well this man communicates!
  • Coin toss. Some past quarterback guy is flipping the coin. You would think if he was a quarterback once upon a time he would be able to afford his own coat and not have to borrow his wife's. He also messed up the coin toss. Way to go furry coat guy. 
  • Car commercial.
  • Car commercial.
  • Car commercial.
  • Stephen Colbert will never convince me to buy pistachios.
  • A car commercial featuring people slow clapping for some reason.
  • M&M commercial. I kind of liked this one.
  • Coca Cola commercial. It made me mad but not so much that I will tell people to start speaking American. No matter what Twitter tells you, American is not a language.
  • Halftime Show. Bruno Mars man, stop trying to be Phil Collins! I dislike this band greatly. Some of their songs are ok but none of them are worthy of my ipod. Red Hot Chili Peppers could have sang something better than Give It All Away. Next year I want to see Fleetwood Mac. Make it happen.
  • Seinfeld reunion! 
  • Jaguar commercial with Tom Hiddleson. Tom Hiddleson is the best.
  • Downton Abbey time. I don't understand anything that's going on. Something involving touchdowns and how the Broncos are doing poorly.
  • Puppy commercial! EEEEEEEK! The horsey and the puppy are friiieeendddssss!!! I don't even drink beer but the adorable level was completely not ok. 
  • Oikos yogurt commercial with the three men from the Full House cast. I didn't see the commercial when it aired but saw it beforehand so if this does not go with the timeline I apologize. For the record, I don't like Oikos yogurt and I really REALLY don't like Full House. The only reason any person should like Full House is because it gives them a reason to laugh at how unbelievably ludicrous it is. 
  • "Great game right?" NO. Most predictable game ever. As in the Seahawks played like Gryffindor’s while the Broncos played like Hufflepuffs.