Sunday, October 12, 2014


Three. That's how many wedding invitations I received in the mail today. I like weddings, (drinks all around!) don't get me wrong but you know, it would be nice to actually BE in a wedding and not sit in the audience with a fake smile plastered on my face while watching the brides family members cry over their daughters white gown of holy matrimony. I am there for cake. I am happy for you but really, cake is the only reason I will go to your wedding. That and to make snide remarks in my head about how much weddings suck. And if your wedding doesn't have cake then you are doing it wrong and I will be very unhappy and disappointed about your life choices.

My dads girlfriends daughter is getting married. I am obliged (aka forced) to go to that wedding. She is getting married before me to some random guy I've never met before who apparently doesn't have a job and can barely afford an apartment and wants to move to Detroit to become the next Eminem. Really. Those were his words to my dad. I honestly did not see this wedding coming. I cannot believe the mother is even allowing this wedding to happen. But I will just say right now that there more than likely will be a blog post about this wedding event. I can see this being blog-worthy in the most cringeable way.

^Oprah knows what's up with my life.

The other two wedding invitations were from one of my high school friends who I haven't spoken to in years and one from a distant cousin who lives in San Francisco who I haven't seen since I was 5. I was thinking about traveling to San Fran but  plane tickets are quite costly and I really don't know this cousin enough to shell out hundreds of dollars for a plane ticket.

Then I found out that my former best friend just got engaged to her girlfriend on Facebook. They have been dating for ONE MONTH. It seems like they really love each other but  I personally feel that one month is a bit too short of a time period to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. I also feel that none of this is really my business or concern, yet here I am talking about people and their future wedding plans.

The room is spinning and I have no way of making it stop. It's like everything I learned or thought I knew of marriage and love and commitment  is a lie. I blame period dramas because blaming myself for my lack of love life would be a very lame thing to do.

As much as I joke that I never want to get married I kind of do hope to be married someday. But the sad reality is that I'm going to die alone. Nobody takes any interest in me. Nobody ever will. And if you want to comment and say something along the lines of "You're 23! There's still time for you to find love! Bleblarblu" I may be 23 but that doesn't mean anyone could ever grow to love me. My family doesn't even care about me, why would anyone else? Dying alone is my biggest fear. I've never told anyone that but it truly terrifies me, because there is a large possibility of that happening. What if nobody knows who I am at the time of my death? Would my headstone just be left blank? I had a dream about that last week. I was standing over my own headstone. Great thing to dream about, right?