Tuesday, January 21, 2014

I Could Have Been British!

Oh the things one get's to learn each day.

Today I found out that I could have been British! My mom told me a long time ago that she lived in England for three years five years after she graduated high school. Pretty cool right? Now here's the not so cool part, she was dating a guy and he asked her to marry him but considering she was like 23 years old (only a year older than me) she said no and lost all contact with him. But if they did marry then I probably would not have been born so I guess it's for the best, right?

But let's pretend that I was born and this British guy was my father and my mom got a spouse visa and all that, that would make me British! That would make so much sense! If I was British I could drink tea everyday and eat scones and it would be socially acceptable to read Shakespeare and speak to the kind folks at the local cafe about the latest Downton Abbey episode. 

Then we would all go chimney dancing with penguins into the moonlight.
...Or not. 

Hooray for stereotyping! =P 
No worries though. I'm an American and I drink about a zillion gallons of tea a week and absolutely love Downton Abbey and think Kate Middleton is fabulous. But I am aware that every single person in England may not like or do that! 

 But I am proud to be an American, just not Bruce Springsteen proud. Actually, I'm still waiting for the day when we find out Springsteen was actually born in Canada.

That's my story for the day. Happy January 22nd!!! 

High School Reunion

It's happening. I'm scared.

 It's been five years since I graduated from high school and I can honestly say that I don't miss anything about it or anyone from my class. Only about five of the forty seven people I graduated with are my friends on Facebook and as for everyone else, I could truly care less about them. If I don’t friend you on Facebook it’s because I don’t want to SEE you because I don't LIKE you. 

I'm seriously thinking I won't attend. High school was one of the worst times in my life. Why would I want to go to a bar where everyone pretends to act like we were best friends and tell me that they missed me oh so much while judging me? No thanks. I am the only one person at this moment in time who can judge myself, you are not allowed to do so when you haven't seen me in five years. 

And yeah, that's where we are having the reunion. A bar. My idiot class decided that the local bar in the town would be the bestest place evaaaar to hold our five year reunion. You know what? I don't drink, but I'm sure if I decide to go to this I will be downing whatever I can just to remind myself that I'm a better person than these people will ever be. But because that is probably what this thing will turn into; a drinking frenzy, I will more than likely be the only sober one laughing in my head about what fools my past classmates are. And yes, I did write that correctly. I will be the only sober one, no doubt what so ever in my mind about that. A fellow classmates mother who owns the bar thought it would be a super swell idea to let her daughter be the host. This is the daughter that showed up drunk at the graduation ceremony. Good call class of 2009!

Plus I have absolutely no desire to listen to people ask over and over what I'm doing in life. You want to know what I'm doing mean girl who has been divorced two times? I'm being an el serial-killer-o and committing larceny on a daily basis! That's what I'm doing. Oh! Also, I don't have kids and would appreciate it if you get your stupid child's picture out of my face. Thank you.

But truthfully, me and the drunk graduation girl and two other people are the only ones who don't have kids! I graduated with 47 people, everyone has a kid! What a topsy turvy world we live in! And everyone is either engaged or married with the exception of myself! Basically I have not now, nor have I ever had anything anything in common with these people. Plus it's not like I have become a famous actor or have won the lottery or moved to Paris or anything like that. I am content with my life, but it's just not something I can brag about at the moment. But even if I did become president of a multi-billion dollar company, I still wouldn't gloat because then I would turn into one of THEM and I refuse to ever let that happen.

On Facebook there are a few students who are attending that I didn't even graduate with! I don't care if you were a part of my class in eighth grade, if you left the school and did not get your diploma from the school everyone else graduated from  then I don't think you have any business showing up. Same goes for you girl who graduated 8 years ahead of us and is some 2009 popular guys sister. 

or this may be more appropriate;

The Facebook invite also said that everyone is welcome to bring a date and/or husband/wife. It actually ENCOURAGED everyone to do so. Goody goody gumdrops. For nothing says happy happy fun times like seeing smoochy smoochy couples and watching their twenty exes look on at them aggressively.

There's also the fact that I no longer communicate with any of the select few 'friends' I had. Most of those people can go kick rocks because they would be lucky to even get a frosty reception out of me when I am on my loveliest behavior. Yeah, you people said we'd stay in touch after high school, YOU LIED. You all lied to me in high school so why should I have expected anything better afterwards?

To finish my rant about how this reunion is more than likely going to suck, I shall live you with a comment by the most jerkiest jerk from my class;
"I'm going to take charge on promoting whatever we're doing. I'm quite sure I know how to get a hold of everyone in our class. 'specially the sexy fine ladies."

You sir, are a special kind of person who I want to punch in the face. Plus there is no way in hell you will be able to get a hold of me because;
1. I don't like you
2. I would not consider myself a sexy lady
3. I dislike you greatly
4. Everything you wrote made me have this reaction and I don't want my face to get stuck that way, which is probably what will happen if I ever see you again.

So yeah, no 5 year class reunion times for me. Give me another 10 and maybe I'll show up. 

Monday, January 20, 2014


1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
I've never held hands with anyone unless walking across the street with a parent when I was 3 years old counts. Or if the final bow for a theatre production counts. But I don't think that is technically what this question is asking and they want a more romantic type of situation where you may have held hands with a loved one and what not. 

2. Are you outgoing or shy?
I'm a little of both.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
YOU! I truly would like to meet someone who reads this blog. I like you all a lot. =)

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I believe so, yes.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

I don't drink and the person I like is non-existent.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

But seriously, I'm just kidding. No necrophilism allowed within 10000000000 meters of me.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
What kind of question is this?!?!?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Yes. Why does that even need to be a topic of conversation in a public setting?

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
My cat. She is a very good listener. =D

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
Answering this question would involve me having to move to find my phone and that isn't happening.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
My favorite song changes ever 10 minutes so I'm just going to list the ones I have recently listened to on Pandora;
Vienna Teng- Shine
Krewella- Live for The Night
Tarja- 500 Letters
Within Temptation- The Promise
Hayley Westenra- Here's to You

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
No. I really dislike that a lot. A LOT.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
I do. Lucky things tend to happen to a lot of people.

15. What good thing happened this summer?
I went to Myrtle Beach which was quite fun.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
Not at all.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
No. Because my first crush was in kindergarten and is now a drug pusher. My second crush turned out to be a real jerk who couldn't even remember my name. My third crush  was worst than the second in a million ways. My fourth crush is now the loving husband of another girl and father of a child. So no, I don't speak to any of them.

19. Do you like bubble baths?
Um yes?

20. Do you like your neighbors?
Some of them yes, some of them no. For example the neighbor who plowed my driveway when there was 18 feet of snow is very nice. My drugadocious neighbors who do drugs on their stoop and have about 10,000 children they avoid while brewing pot in their basement are not my favorite people in the world.

21. What are you bad habits?
I twirl or play with my hair when I'm nervous.

22. Where would you like to travel?
Everywhere. But I have wished to travel to England for a long time.

23. Do you have trust issues?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
My routine changes on a day to day basis but I guess I make a point to either read or listen to music everyday.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
How is this anyone's business? Does it really concern others which body part you feel most uncomfortable about?

26. What do you do when you wake up?
Go to the restroom.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
Although I'm pretty pale already, I want my skin to be a bit lighter because it usually turns red around this time of year and in the summer.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?
I have trouble feeling comfortable around most people.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
Yes because I have oh so many ex's. *laughs*

30. Do you ever want to get married?
I would but I doubt that will ever happen.

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?
Yes. By the way, what is up with people cutting off all of their hair lately? I don't get the trend but it shouldn't really concern me because it is their hair and they can do whatever they want with it.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
How about no.

33. Spell your name with your chin.
Make me.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?
I used to play soccer and softball. I still run around sometimes and do whatever.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
Why can't I just live with both?

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
Yes. I decided that telling people how I feel is just going to make me miserable in the end so I just don't do it. Then again not telling someone I like them made me miserable as well. I don't really think I could ever win here.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?
"So anyways..."

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
Or I could not do that.

40. What do you want to do after high school?
^There is no 39. How strange.
As for this question, I'm not in high school. I'm not even in college anymore.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
I do. Not if they are a serial killer or anything like that but most people do.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
That I'm sad. Or bored. Or sadly bored and on the verge of tears.

43. Do you smile at strangers?
I don't really know if I do or not? But I'm not really smiling at anyone in particular if there just so happens to be a grin on my face.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
Neither! I wouldn't be able to breathe and then I would die from lack of oxygen! 

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
My alarm clock.

46. What are you paranoid about?
A lot of things.

47. Have you ever been high?

48. Have you ever been drunk?

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
No. That says a whole lot about my personality doesn't it? 

50. What was the color of the last hoodie you wore?

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
This is a job interview question! Am I applying for a job right now? IS THIS THE REAL LIFE? Am I being Punk'd

53. Favorite makeup brand?

54. Favourite store?
I have a favorite store for each particular category of thing that I need. 

55. Favourite blog?
Oooh there are so many good ones that I read! I can't choose! If you form proper sentences on your blog then yours is my favorite.

56. Favourite color?
Lavender and pink. 

57. Favorite food? 
Without a doubt, cupcakes. But I hardly ever have them which is probably a good thing in the long run.

58. Last thing you ate?

59. First thing you ate this morning?
Special K cereal. 

60. Ever won a competition? For what?
In high school for writing. I don't feel that I deserved it though considering the journalism teacher hated my writing, never put any of my stories on the front page of the newspaper, then sent in the worst news article I wrote (or a news article that she basically wrote, for she always re-worded everything I wrote down) for a worldwide (or USA wide) competition. All the other articles she sent in by the other students were brilliant, yet I was the only one in my class who won. It seems kind of ironic now that I look back on that.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
I was suspended for fighting. People do not have the right to get out of their chair and start throwing punches at me and think I will tolerate it. 

62. Been arrested? For what?
Yes.  For MURDER. *sarcasm*

63. Ever been in love? 
I thought I was. But then I start thinking about it and nope, I never have been in love. 

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

65. Are you hungry right now?
Not at the moment, thank you very much for asking. 

66. Do you like your blogspot friends more than your real friends?
Way to try and cause unnecessary tomfoolery Mr. person who created this questionnaire

67. Facebook or Twitter?
Equality for all! 

68. Twitter or Tumblr?
This is not EQUAL!!!

69. Are you watching tv right now?
I am not. 

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

71. Craving something? What?
A carousel! That's right, I'm craving a carousel. Quite a conundrum craving a carousel. (Give me a break, it's almost 2 am).

72. What color are your towels?
It's very odd, but one of my towels is purple. The other is pink and the other one is orange.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
The ones that are boxed up from my childhood? Maybe 60.

75. Favorite animal?
Panda bears. And koalas. And cats. And sharks.

76. What color is your underwear?
Because the whole world needs to know this information!

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
Mint chocolate chip.

79. What color shirt are you wearing?

80. What colour pants?
Pink (I am in my PJS, don't judge me!)

81. Favorite tv show?
Still airing? Downton Abbey and Person of Interest.

82. Favourite movie?
Sweeney Todd

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
Mean Girls. The original. Who would dare to pick Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls 2 was not awesome. We don't even talk about Mean Girls 2.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
The two shouldn't even be compared.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
Glen Coco. You go Glen Coco! 

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
Dory! How can one not like Dory?

87. First person you talked to today?
My mom

88. Last person you talked to today?
My mom

89. Name a person you hate?
Or I could not do that.

90. Name a person you love?
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre guy. Does he even have a name? Lol. 

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
I'm starting to think the person who made this survey isn't so cool. But to punch them in the face would be a bit too much.

92. In a fight with someone?
Thankfully not at the moment.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?
A few.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

95. Last movie you watched?
Cabin in the Woods. I give it a 7/10.

96. Favourite actress?
I have many favorites.

97. Favourite actor?
Same answer as the above.

98. Do you tan a lot?
Not at all. As a matter of fact, I'm quite pale.

99. Have any pets?
Yes. A golden retriever and two cats.

100. How are you feeling?
Swell o matic! 

101. Do you type fast?
I believe that I do, yes.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?
Regrets are for the weak.

103. Can you spell well?
I am quite the decent speller. I also enjoy how this rhymes. Spell well. Rhyme time.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
I think it's hard to let go of some people from the past but it is usually better to bond with the people you have now so they can have a place in your future. 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
Somewhat. When I was in youth group they always put on a bonfire every Thursday night. 

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
I don't believe so. 

107. Have you ever been on a horse?
Yes. And then I ran into a tree and thought, "Yeah, let's not do that again." 

108. What should you be doing?

109. Is something irritating you right now?
As a matter of fact there is. I'm always wondering when I will have the chance or courage to leave this place but realize that I may end up here FOREVER. That thought truly scares me and I'm irritated at myself because I don't know how I can change this.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
Liking someone should never hurt you. If it does then you're doing it wrong.

111. Do you have trust issues?
Yes and I have a good reason for having them.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
I can't even remember. I usually cry when nobody else can see me.

113. What was your childhood nickname?
I never had a nickname as a child.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

115. Do you play the Wii?
No. I MASTER the Wii.

116. Are you listening to music right now?
Yes. And...
It was twenty years ago today
Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play
They've been going in and out of style
But they're guaranteed to raise a smile
So may I introduce to you
The act you've known for all these years
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Baaaaaand

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
I don't particularly dislike it. That's the cure to everything. 

118. Do you like Chinese food?

119. Favourite book?
Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden. It as a wonderful movie as well.

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

121. Are you mean?
I try my best not to be but no matter what an angel a person may seem, they will have their mean moments.

122. Is cheating ever okay?
No. Unless you have a mad woman who's your wife living in the attic then cheating is never okay. 

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
I can.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I really do. But let's get one thing straight, staring at someone in a creepy manner thinking that they will like you is not the same thing as love at first sight. 

125. Do you believe in true love?

126. Are you currently bored?
A little.

127. What makes you happy?
Many things! Cats, kittens, cupcakes, tea, good music, etc. etc. etc.

128. Would you change your name?
Not at this point in my life. 

129. What your zodiac sign?
I'm an Aries. 

130. Do you like subway?

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
Try to find out who my best friend of the opposite sex is.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Whoever reads this blog is the last person I had a deep conversation with.

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

134. Can you count to one million?
I could but I don't see why I would want to.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
I've told a lot of stupid lies. I remember in middle school during science class I was drawing some squiggly lines on a piece of paper. Another student noticed it and she asked me what I was doing and I told her that I was writing in Egyptian. She believed me and asked if I could show her the Egyptian ways of writing. LOL.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
Halfway open.

137. How tall are you?

138. Curly or Straight hair?
I have straight hair.

139. Brunette or Blonde?
I am brunette.

140. Summer or Winter?

141. Night or Day?

142. Favorite month?

143. Are you a vegetarian?
No. I tried being a vegetarian once. That lasted 2 weeks.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
I love them all.

145. Tea or Coffee?

146. Was today a good day?
Eh, kind of boring actually.

147. Mars or Snickers?
You know, I have never had a Mars bar! What kind of life am I living?!?!? 

148. What’s your favorite quote?
I really don't have one.

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?  
At the time when I stood in the churchyard reading the family tombstones, I had just enough learning to be able to spell them out.- Great Expectations 

What a lovely image this gives! The boy must be thrilled with his past education, for now he can read TOMBSTONES!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Scars of Rememberance

I was looking at my body today and realized that I have a lot of scars, most of which are not from surgery.

1. My appendix scar which I got when I was 10. I had to miss a concert because I had to get my appendix removed.
2. Scar on my thigh where a pitcher in softball hit me with the ball
3. Scar on my shoulder where my mom cut me with glass
4. Two scars on my knuckles where my hand accidentally went through a window
Right now I have;
A bruise on my leg where my mom threw a 2 liter of pop at me

Then there's my emotional scars which I don't think I will ever be rid of. These scars include;

- All of 7th grade. I had no friends and it was the norm for 18 girls at a time to gang up on me at recess. This all stemmed from me calling some girl a "bitch" online after she and her friend sent me an IM messages telling me how worthless I am and that there is a popular group for a reason and that I needed to go kill myself. They then sent only my portion of the IM where I called them a bitch to everyone they knew and changed everything they said then printed out copies and gave them to a teacher at school. I ended up getting in trouble and losing a ton of "friends" because of this. No one listened to what I had to say. Nobody ever believed me. Most of my recesses consisted of eating and reading alone in the library. I eventually got kicked out and told that I needed to join the other students and make some friends. How did I make friends? By being surrounded and bullied by girls and eventually getting into a fist fight. I remember it as if this were yesterday;
*Girls keep kicking me*
Me: How about you STOP KICKING ME
*girls start laughing and continue to freaking touch and kick me.*
One girl thought it would be fun to slap my face so I threw her into a table. A different girl then went at me and tried punching me. The 17 or so girls cornered me near a wall and it took at least 5 minutes before the recess lady came and broke up our fight.

This was all because I told people that popular groups and stereotypes were stupid. But because I defended myself online people could do or say whatever they wished and they did exactly that so I turned out looking like a terrible person.

I also remember there were three girls who gave my favorite teacher the email and me and them all had to sit down in her room and talk about my actions and then all three of them tell me flat out that they would never be my friend again and that if they avoided me it was only because they didn't want to get mixed up in this mess. People wonder why I have a hard time making friends today, there's your answer. I have trouble trusting others after this whole fiasco.

Then there was the science teacher who absolutely disliked me before I even entered her class. As soon as one of the "popular" girls told her what happened she made my life a living hell and at times bullied me worse than any of the kids. She called me a "f***ing worthless girl who would amount to nothing" once and then asked if I was "retarded." Great things to say to a person who's 12 years old! What makes this even more ironic is that this evil teacher had a picture of a kid who committed suicide hanging up on her wall and went over it on the very first day and said how she never wanted to see that happen to another student and how we should all treat each other with respect. Yeah, I think respect should go both ways and this teacher never earned mine.

-In 8th grade I met someone in my math class and we became good friends because we both disliked math. In this year I was failing all of my classes and during a conference my math teacher started overly dramatizing to my mom about how I was a failure and then a freaking janitor lady came into the room and told my mom how my book has been in her cart for THREE MONTHS. Which was a total lie considering I was using a different book and the book she had wasn't even my number. Janitor lady had no business in the room during a conference in the first place.

- I lost my best friend in 7th grade. I basically lost all my friends after 8th. They would of rather hung out with the people who could make them look good when they went into high school, and that's fine. I did okay without them, but it still kind of hurts and not something I really like to talk about.

- The few friends I did make in middle school never really hung around with me during high school for they were either too busy doing drugs, having boyfriends, or being jerks.

- I made a new group of friends in high school in 9th grade. I also started getting into theatre again. But by my sophomore year I was sitting alone at a lunch table every day because these friends ditched me. I remember going to the library with them my sophomore year and then having one girl tell me that they didn't want to hang out with me anymore and to just STOP FOLLOWING THEM. I didn't really think I WAS following them considering they asked every person at the table to go to the computer lab in the library but okay. I learned that everyone in that group includes every person but me. On that day when they all went to the back room in the computer lab I sat alone at a table in the library. Because I was a sophomore and the library was to be used during lunch hours for SENIORS ONLY these senior girls wanted to get me kicked out. I started crying and the librarian lady told the girls to basically eff off. She was the best person I met during my time in high school.

- During my junior year this librarian became a teacher for British literature, a class all juniors were required to take. I absolutely loved the subject and the class and looked forward to it every day. I took a lot of wonderful classes my junior year (including drama!!!=) ) and I started playing soccer. Due to soccer and drama and these classes I started making acquaintances. I think it was because of these things that I stopped caring so much about my loneliness. I was still lonely and still bullied but I didn't notice it or care as much.

- My senior year I started sitting with the goth kids at lunch. I don't think they particularly cared for me but they were a good bunch of people and never made me feel horrible about myself. I took drama again that year although I preferred it my junior year more. I also had nobody to walk with at my graduation because everyone I hung out with either already graduated the past few years or were a few years behind me so I got stuck between the one guy who was supposed to graduate three years before and the other guy who's father died in high school.  And let me tell you, we looked the BEST. We were the last people to go out to the gym but we looked THE BEST and we looked classy and even if we didn't who cares? I was out of there!

- I recently lost my best friend who stuck by me from 7th grade onward. She would rather hang out with her boyfriend (now girlfriend, thanks Facebook) and is apparently not allowed to speak to anyone outside of her college fraternity sisters.

- I now have no friends. Many acquaintances, zero friends. I can guarantee that none of my Facebook pals would take a bullet for me.

- A group of people bullied me to tears on the day of my grandfathers funeral. They told me that he was lucky to be dead so he wouldn't have to see my face anymore.

- Every single time someone has called me fat. My grandmother is notorious for it. So is my mom. One girl in middle school asked me "If I had enough to eat" once when I was only eating a peanut butter sandwich. A guy in high school (drama class) blankly stated that I was fat once.

- Every single time someone has called me ugly or has implied it. A guy in college told me I was "pretty" once and then told me right after that I probably never hear that so he was doing a good deed.

- Every single time I have been cut from a theatre production. Acting is everything to me and when I was cut from Sweeney Todd that really hurt. When I wasn't cast in anything after that someone may as well have just stuck a knife into my stomach. The knife is still there.

Then let's not forget all of the names I have been called; stupid, dumb, ugly, fat, lesbian, freak, spazz, weirdo, freak nazi, whore, slut, bitch, retard, demented little freak, loser, creep, schitzo, weirdo, crybaby, forehead girl, helpless, worthless, unlucky, etc.

Overall you would think these things would make me a stronger person and I must admit that some of them have, but I don't think I will ever forget these things and what has happened to me. I didn't list everything or go into full detail with a lot of this because it's hard for me to even write as much as I did for these are not things I like to talk about. I've never spoken about these things in real life however, I felt like getting these things out there and my blog seemed like the only place where I can do so without being criticized.