Why am I even trying anymore? Nobody supports me when it comes to being a theatre major or even supports me when I wish to audition. I have had to sneak out of the house before just to go to an audition so the director could tell me I wasn't good enough for that particular play. I have had to lie to my mom just so I could audition and be told no. I have auditioned about 10 times just so I could be told no. Not because of my lack of talent but because the director thinks I'm not pretty enough or look too young. I was told once by the guy that directed all the plays at my college that I did fantastic at the audition and have a bright future ahead of me, but I wasn't the person he was looking to cast. Instead a blonde girl who only had one theatre credit listed on her resume got cast in the role. Talent means nothing anymore. If you look like Barbie you are automatically going to be accepted into this world we call theatre.
So why am I bringing this all up now do you ask? First and foremost, I was forced to go to a family dinner tonight at my grandma's house. My aunt who works at a car factor asked me what I plan to do after college and I responded that I was probably going to go to a University in New York or California but I am still undecided. To anyone out there reading this do not tell anyone anything when it comes to what you will be doing after college. Same goes for the question of "What are you going to do with such a worthless degree?" If you respond to any of those questions in a serious way, the responses you get back will be something like this, atleast if you are in my family;
-You need to give up
-You're dream is not realistic
-HA! Good luck in New York! When you go to Brooklyn you'll get shot!
-You're not that great.
-You actually think you have talent?
-Why the hell would you ever want to go to NY or LA? You won't make it there people have more talent than you and have been doing this their whole lives. You are way behind them.
-Why would you ever want to move? You can get a job here!
Then to make matters worse your mom will say something like "She's MAJORING in teaching, but MINORING in theatre." I have no idea where that came from. I really do not get on well with kids and have no plan to teach them in the near future.
Once we left my mother and myself go to the car and she tells me how my major is an embarrassment to tell to other people because I more than likely won't make it. This wasn't the first time my mom encouraged me to give up. Nobody's happiness matters to others, it's as simple as that.
However, I will continue to take criticism with a light heart. I know directors do it so they can see improvement and determination and I do realize that I still have a lot to learn. I refuse to give up on my dream no matter who discourages me from reaching it and I advise everyone out there to do the same. You are better than what you think. Those who discourage you don't see how great you are because they more than likely gave up on their dreams ages ago. You have to power to prove them wrong. I have faith in every one of you out there.
On Thursday I will be auditioning for the college musical for the spring. I'm not much of a singer but I am hoping that because the college has a new theatre director and because singing skills aren't necessarily required with this musical, I will do good.