Eating Alone (Depressing Story Time!)

Did or does anyone else have this problem?

I remember my sophomore year in high school when all of my so called "friends" distanced themselves from me when we were having lunch together. Like I would sit down next to them and they would get up and leave or move to another table. By junior and senior year I was eating my lunch alone every single day. Nobody even seemed to notice. In middle school I was the one going over and sitting with people who were alone, in high school nobody did the same for me. Because it was usually a 40 minute lunch/recess after lunch I would sit by myself and read a book or pretend to be doing homework because I didn't want people feeling sorry for me and it's not like anyone wanted to be around me anyways.  Twice I was fortunate enough to eat alone outside until the second time when some lady who thought she had so much authority started lecturing me about how I can't eat outside if the weather if below 50 degrees! I had a coat, I was fine. And I didn't want to go to the cafeteria where I have been surrounded by people laughing and having friends while I just sat there like a lonely chameleon. She didn't want to listen to me though so for recess I went to the cafeteria. Five minutes later  my vice principal came over to me and made a huge scene about how I needed to  be more "social" and took away my book. When I was talking to some people I was acquainted with (I don't even think they noticed I was there) a guy threw a basketball at my head then kicked me for basically existing. Yeah, thanks Mr. vice principal. Like I wasn't trying to be social before, now I'm just just mad and embarrassed. It was a lonely time in my life and perhaps that is why I remember every lunch period so clearly, because I was always alone or ditched by my "friends."

During the past five days my mom has been working late so I have been eating dinner alone. It sucks and has just been bringing up a past reminder of how lonely I was throughout my sophomore-senior year. She said that she would be home tonight so I made dinner only to receive a call saying that she wouldn't be home in time. I should have expected that but it doesn't make me any less sad. I'm basically alone 85% of the time and even when my mom does come home she's ignoring me, yelling at me, or calling me names or criticizing my appearance or body. But I guess having only one person to talk to, no matter how spiteful, is better than being completely alone 24/7. 

I called my dad today to say hi because I haven't spoken to him in a few days and he just yelled at me because he was on the golf course with his girlfriend. He said he didn't have time for me at the moment and would call me back tomorrow. 

I guess I could have called my friends but I don't have any of those. Every single day it's growing more and more likely that I will die sad and alone and that nobody would even cry at my funeral, let alone pay for a headstone.

Howdy Ho! =)

Forgive me for my lack of posting my dear blog readers! I have been extremely busy these last few weeks and have been trying to focus and college and I have actually had more homework for this class than I have ever had for any of my other classes in the past, which is strange because this is an analyzing film class and you would assume we would only watch movies and how they impacted us. That is not the case! I'm not complaining though because I truly am learning a lot and love the subject. I would say I love the class but I feel a strong urge to find a large stick and hit some of my classmates over the head with it- Rafiki style!

I promise my book review on The Hunchback of Notre Dame should be finished pretty soon. I am just writing down some more details before I hit the publish button.

I decided that the rest of this post is going to mention some things I have found and have really liked/disliked this month.

Likes
Nightwish Imaginaerum cd-

I have had this cd ever since the 2nd week it came out. However I lost it only a month ago and have been searching endlessly for it since. Two days ago I found it hanging out in one of my other cds. And before anyone asks, yes, I have an Ipod but I still buy cds if I think they are worth it and I find it rather stupid to judge others on if they have a cd or a handheld music player. But anyways I have been listening to the full Imaginaerum album nonstop and it truly does get better every time you listen to it.

I would also like to mention that I really loved Anette Olzon as the lead singer. Heck, I love Anette Olzon as a person. She just rocks and it was sad to see her leave. What made this 100 times worse is that I found out about her leave the day I got cut from Sweeney Todd. Not a good moment in my life to remember but I'm just happy to know that Anette's still around and singing.

Winter's Bone-

This was seriously a surprisingly wonderful movie. My film class had to watch it and it truly was phenomenal! I give it 9 out of 10 thumbs up.

I remember when I first saw an interview with Jennifer Lawrence for this movie I thought she was a stuck up, snobby, jerk face. But I can now safely say that my judgement was wrong and completely BOGUS and I now find her to be a fantastic actress.

However it saddens me to know that some people still have no idea who she is, like my dad. This is literally how our conversation went.
Me: I saw a movie in class today called Winter's Bone! It was really good.
Him: Haha I don't know what that is.
Me: It stars Jennifer Lawrence.
Him: I don't know who that is.
Me: She stars in The Hunger Games.
Him: The Hunger Games? Is that a TV show? Hahahaha.
Me: Yep.

So now he believes The Hunger Games is a TV show and not a series of books which a couple of movies are based off of. Lovely. By the way does anyone else have the problem where you will tell someone about something really cool and then they just go "I don't know who/what/when/why that is? Because I find that frustrating. Why don't you ask instead of acting like you don't care?

Dislikes

I have a research paper to work on and I only have until late night Tuesday to finish it so my teacher can look upon my paper and see what needs to be worked on before I hand my final draft in. AAAAH.

The extreme couponing lady who lives at the end of the street and sells stuff for cheap prices. The people I know who have been to her say the sales are awesome and I went down there today to see what all the hullabaloo was about and indeed, she does sell quite a few items. That seems like a good thing right? Maybe it is but I somehow got royally screwed! As you all may know I enjoy tea. This lady was selling Celestial Seasoning tea for $1 each. I just brewed me some Cinnamon Apple Spice tea only to find out that the tea was plain Lipton minus the string and label. I was scammed! >=/

That's all for now. I promise I'll try to write more often on here. Thanks for understanding!

Unorganized

I am getting tired of people being so unorganized.

First my acting class got cancelled because the little doofuses who run the class never got their stuff together and I was told only last week that the class got cancelled for the area I was going to but good news! If I still want to go they can take me and another 500 kids on a bus to and from some gangster area in another state every.single.day. in November. No thanks. I wanted to take this class by the beach in my own state and I am not a huge fan of two hour bus tours unless I am in California and Mr. Demetrius Washington is driving. And I wasn't even the one who was told of the cancellation, they emailed my mom who I only wrote down as an emergency contact. Not cool acting class people, not cool at all. Unorganized buffoons is what you people are!

I then learned today that Diva Dave is directing yet another play at college, once again a not very well known one thank God. If you read my Third Dimension of Hell post you would know that I can't freaking stand Diva Dave. He's holding auditions this Thursday and expects everyone to have a three minute monologue memorized by then. Having a monologue is REQUIRED so you can get cast. What the hell Diva Dave, our theatre department doesn't even require monologues at auditions and even if they did it would only be the length of ONE MINUTE considering that's how long 99% of monologues are. Nobody wants to hear a person talking for three minutes, there is only so much you can do and if you aren't displaying your skills once you start reading and fail to display them after a minute then that means you are a time wasting douchebag. Now let's get this straight I have a variety of monologues I could use for this but I'm not going to because Diva Dave already has his cast picked out. Two female and eight male parts. One girl on his Facebook has already been cast. Right on. However this needs to be asked; why is Diva Dave the one in charge of this? Who gave him this authority? Because let me tell you if I find out there was a voting of some sort and some idiots picked out this guy to be their leader I am going to be madder than an assortment of paprika on a Sunday. That last sentence makes absolutely no sense but I don't care!

Then today someone from my film class specifically emailed me asking me what was due Tuesday because they left class early cuz "they were so hung over and didn't take notes. LOL." Oh I don't know maybe if you stayed for the entire class period you would know what was going down! And reading your syllabus is another way you could find out exactly what's due Tuesday. COMMON SENSE.

I am done with the unorganized. If you are an unorganized person please get organized, especially if your lack of organization is affecting those around you.

Green Dress And No High Heels

So today I decided to wear a dress because it's about 85 degrees outside and because frankly I just love dresses and haven't worn one in awhile. I felt pretty and girly and happy until I had to go to my film class. One of the guys who sits a few seats next to me said, and I quote "That dress would look better with heels." Um what? Why do you care so much about my footwear? It's a green floral dress and I am wearing black flip flops, calm down. If I was wearing sparkly violet loafers I would understand where you are coming from but even then you have no business telling me what would be "more acceptable" to wear.  I then told him that I hated heels because I am never able to walk in them, which is true, and his response to that was; "Well all girls should like wearing heels." Should they? Thank you sir for informing me of how my opinion is wrong and how I should absolutely adore things that kill my feet. Oh but he didn't wish to shut up there! He then proceeds to go on and on about "How my girlfriend would look better in that dress because she would wear better shoes and has larger breasts." WOAH. You know what you need to do dude? You need to worry about yourself. I really could care less about your girlfriend and her breast size. Seriously, why should anyone be so concerned over this? It's stupid freaking comments like this that make me so self conscious even when I'm feeling like a pretty iguana lady. I am going to wear whatever I wish to wear along anything that makes me happy whether people like it or not.

Then to make this day even better, before I even walked in to the college some guy I have never even seen before in my life thinks it a fun idea to run up to me and DEMAND that I give a note to a girl in my class. Too bad Shelby C. Bridges is not, nor has ever been one of my classmates and even if she was there are better ways to go about asking me to deliver a note. Handing me a piece of folded paper then saying "You're gonna give this to Shelby. She's in your class." is not the way of going about this. Actually I would prefer it if nobody ever told me to deliver a note again. I do not wish for Mr or Mrs. Postman person to be out of a job. I of course looked at the note because to be completely honest most people would do that, and the note is basically begging her back to be his girlfriend. He is very sorry about going to the club and cheating on her and baby bug it was only a one time thing so you gotta still crave my cuddles. RIIIGHT. WHY WOULD YOU GIVE THIS TO ME? Do I  look like I am a person who is not going to read this or laugh at something like "crave my cuddles." This absolutely disturbs me! CUDDLY CRAVINGS IS A DISTURBING THING TO SAY! And not that I would know much about relationships, but if I was dating this jackass and he called me a bug I would be very offended! Why couldn't you just text her? Silly little boy. He should be thanking me and counting his fortune cookies that Shelby was not in my class.


We got our exams back today as well and I got a freaking C+. WTF?!?!? I am so ashamed of myself. I studied so hard for this test and only ended up with a C+ because I made some terrible and stupid and pure idiotic mistakes. Now I am mediocre. Being mediocre is not cool. Neither is being boring. I have suddenly come to the conclusion that everyone in my class is lame. Practically everyone in my life is boring. Why does nobody fun exist in my life? Why does everyones life consist of being "chill." I am so very tired of chill people who just go by in life doing what society tells them to do. Nobody skips to class, everyone walks. A lot of the time the people in my life are not seen wearing bright colors, they wear the colors of a funeral home. Nobody at my college wishes to hopscotch during break, most kids will either sit in the room and chill or go outside and smoke while chilling. I really do think I need something exciting to happen or just to meet someone exciting because if I see one more human being "just chilling" I am going to lose it.

Speaking of my non-exciting life, I would like to point out that to be an exciting person does not mean you have to be an idiot or a complete jerk. For example, one girl in my class told the girl next to me today that she got an invitation to her ex-boyfriends wedding. She then went on and on about her plans to upstage the bride. NO. If you are a girl out there and plan to go to a wedding to upstage someone I must ask, have you no shame? I don't care if the bride is your worst enemy, YOU DO NOT UPSTAGE THE BRIDE. EVER.  I swear if I was getting married and a stupid girl decided to show up in a white dress, I would have their head. Then I would throw their body in a river. You don't screw with a bride on her wedding day. And another rule of thumb for weddings is  if you are a guy, under no circumstance is it ok to propose to your girlfriend before or during the wedding or it's reception. Announcing your new engagement is also a big no no for both sexes.

And speaking of weddings, it is becoming less and less likely that I will ever have one. During break today in my film class everyone thought weddings and pregnancies needed to be a topic of conversation. The conclusion was that everyone should be married by the age of 27 and 20 is the proper age for someone to have a child. I'm 22 and have never had a boyfriend. But I have two cats and I guess that's good enough for me.

Living Life In A Lifestyle Way

Hope everyone out there who is a father had a happy Father's Day today. I was unable to spend it with my dad because he's in the upper peninsula at the moment and won't be home until this Thursday.

Anyways, what in the world has been going on in my life?

Well a few days ago I had my first exam in my film class. I didn't find it to be horrendously hard but I am well aware that I missed a few multiple choice questions. Also, I'm pretty sure I will be knocked down some points because I kept calling the hats the British guys were wearing "colonial hats." I'm actually rather curious as to what other name there could possibly be for a hat that looks like this;

But I'm getting my grade back Tuesday and can only hope that it is good.

I also seemed to have lost my voice last week. Probably from me and my mom yelling so much or possibly from singing but let me just say that I hate nothing worse than losing my voice. If I don't have my voice I feel like I am not a true person and am an alien from Mars. Nobody will ever know how hard it is being me and not being able to talk. I found that chamomile tea does help a little along with taking an entire bag of Ricola's. By the way I've never had a Ricola before and they are quickly becoming one of my favorite things. Thank you Switzerland!

On Saturday I was unable to sleep thanks to the stupid little crickets that kept chirping their heads off. Not only do they chirp 24/7 but they chirp in a NON SYMMETRICAL way and never shut up! I had to move five different times but that didn't even help because those little bastards could be heard everywhere! Plus the birds in my neighborhood have a tendency to sing at unreasonable times once the crickets stop chirping. I am never going camping, nature is trying to drive me insane.

Today my mother moved my computer desk against the wall for some reason and when I asked why the desk was there she turned around and sprayed Pledge in my eye. I drained my eyes for at least 15 minutes with water then put some eye drops in. The chemical didn't technically get inside my eye considering I closed them once I saw the yellow can pointed toward me, but either way it's not like I have a car or friends or anyone who would be willing to take me to the emergency room even if the stuff did penetrate my eyeball. I know a lot of you right now are probably going ASDJHGKGMB THAT'S ABUSE! Yes, I can understand why you may see it that way, but to be fair she was cleaning the desk and had absolutely no intentions of blinding me...hopefully. She felt quite bad afterwards but probably not as bad as I did with the lemon chemical stuff in my eye. That is painful and if any of you out there are going "Oh I wonder what lemon Pledge feels like IN MY CORNEA" let me just tell you that it sucks and it hurts and I am going to strongly encourage you to never find out what it feels like.

Acting Survey!

1. Who is your favorite actor/actress?
This has always been a hard question for me to answer because there are so many different types of acting. As for movie actress I am going to have to say Helena Bonham Carter is my number one favorite. I'm also a huge fan of Meryl Streep,Catherine Zeta Jones, and Keira Knightley. As for movie actors, I have always really liked Johnny Depp and Morgan Freeman. It is really difficult to pick out my favorite movie actors because there is just so much talent in that pool. Heck, there is a ton of great talent in all of the acting types I'm going to list!
As for stage acting, I am a huge huge fan of Jenn Gambatese, James Barbour, Kelli O'Hara, Bernadette Peters, Caroline O' Connor, Natalie Toro, Norm Lewis, Kate Shindle, Betsy Morgan, Angela Lansbury, Andrew Varela, Omar Lopez-Cepero, and Marla Schaffel. Marla has not been on stage I believe since 2009 which really saddens me.
As for voice actors, Michelle Ruff and Kate Higgins will always be my two favorites but in all honesty everyone in that field of work amazes me. I would also like to remind everyone that  voice actor does have the word ACTOR in it.
As for favorite dead actor/actress- Judy Garland, Heath Ledger, Brittany Murphy, and Vincent Price.

2. If you could be part of any old Disney Channel movie, which one would you choose? 
Gotta Kick it up! Although I'm not even close to being the race 99% of the people in the film were but working with Susan Egan would have been so much fun. Plus it was just a great film.

3. What is your favorite genre to act in?
I really like drama. And musicals. I'm never too picky about my favorite genre though considering I have never really been in a show where I have heard anyone say "OMG this play sucks because it is COMEDY!" Who does that?

4. What is your favorite TV show? 
I have two; Person of Interest and Downton Abbey. I just started watching Game of Thrones the other day and I think I'm really going to enjoy that as well. I've read the books so I already know what is going to go down but I do like seeing the world from the books in screen form.

5. What is your favorite movie 
Sweeney Todd. 

6. Who would you replace on a tv show?
Oh I'm not even sure I could pull off the awesomeocity of a lot of people on TV today. But I have to say that I think Morgana Pendragon (from Merlin) would be a great role to have. Katie McGrath does a wonderful job portraying the character though.

7. What is your dream movie role? 
I would love to be in a period drama, I truly would.

8. Would you rather do tv or movies?
I would love to do both. I can't choose! However I think TV would be a bit funner. 

9. Who would you want to be your onscreen boyfriend?
A person who isn't creepy.

10. What do you want to accomplish in the next five years?
I don't put a time limit on things. But I would like to voice act in something someday. 

Idiots on Facebook, Round 4

If you are not aware of what this is then here are the rules;
Basically I go on someones profile on Facebook and if their status is horribly non-sensible I will copy and paste their status right here. There is only one way to not get involved with this game; make your profile private or type like a normal human being. If you choose not to follow these rules you are fair game.

Classy! A dueschbag stole my garage to wheel it behind car down the road! I heard ya stop luckly the gun was a few steps away or I would have blew your end of your car out duesbag! #wrong house to be fing with, LOCKED & LOADED!!- Something tells me this guy is not legally qualified for owning a weapon of any sort. However, I am very curious as to how a person can steal a garage, put the garage in his car, and then drive with the garage down the road. Please, tell me how one can even lift a garage.  

Party at mcdonolds & bears tonight!!!! Come on! ! Anything fun!!- Bears do like McDonalds parties. And HUMAN FLESH. 


Anybody have a jet ski for sale??? Ill buy it now time! Just wanna be on a lake and my boat isnt ready yet!!!!- I can somewhat comprehend what this guy is saying.  But there will never be an excuse for "buy it now time." Even if the sentence said "I can buy it on time" that would still make no sense considering what he says after that.

Chillin slamming down bloody marrys w/ lovely n my muther.- That's nice. I do believe he is calling his girlfriend his lovely. Classy youngster.

Woo woo one year probation for my dui...non check, $5000 later but still get to leave state for CEADER POINT SATURDAY in Idoho! Guess I gotta quit drinking- Yes. Yes I would recommend that you do need to stop your alcohol consumption. Why? Because I'm guessing your probation officer would not dig it and because you are traveling quite a few states away from where Cedar Point is located. 

Wht u got ur ass in trouble. I jus got off probation- Why is everyone on/off probation? Stop doing illegal things! 

Alright  huricane rain storm its damn hard to start a fire...mo fuuuuuuckie!!!- Ah the good ole' hurricane rain storm. Who in their right mind would think about going outside and trying to start a fire during something like this? I can see bad things happening if this guy is allowed to be within 6 yards of any matches.


















Ur better off not to lie in the long run no matter wut u did the truth will make it rite- Thank you Mother Theresa. I enjoy how this is supposed to be a message of some sort but it is basically just trying to boss people around. "You BETTER off not lie." I will BETTER whatever I want. I will better butter. Bam! 

These are all from the same girl: if i had some1 would go pick up Dran i would let them win in a card game its hard 2 beat me on ur own-
1. Dran is a stupid name. It's like his parents combined Draco Malfoy and dragon and turned it into a child.
2. I could probably kick this girls butt in her rousing game of Go Fish!
3. Why do people feel the need to not capitalize the letter I? I do not accept this. 

Ugh,.. I am sick with a cold. I really wished my baby could come and make it all better- So from what I understand she is saying that if her honey bunches of oats was there she would feel better by contaminating him with her sickness. Right on!

He was and is my true love. was with him a week and two days. - Yeah, being with someone 12 days automatically means that person is your true love. 

Guy- DO I KNOW YOU? (I am your worst nightmare.) 

Her- No But i am jays women n i am tryin 2 call him so i can call him. tell him to call me. (She is like 17. Not a woman yet. Also I enjoy how she wishes to call this person because calling this person means she'll call this person. =/) 

Guy- I don't know anyone named Jay. (But I added you as a friend because I don't know anything about photoshop and from your profile picture you look like a Rootbeer model!) 

Her- I wished i could meet u cuz u sound fun like me (Let this just speak for itself.)

That's all for now but I am sure plenty of other silly jelly beans will post something stupid in the future. Thanks for reading!