I have two uterus's!
My grandma has 4 kidneys!
My little boy kid had a friend with down syndrome. She was cute and had a button nose and giggled a lot! I loved her more than my son and he will marry her because I have authority over his life! HAHAHAHAHA. (Note: this lady always laughed at herself after everything she said because no one else found her funny.)
Ducks have big penises
I dont take notes. Day dont help on da tests.
*5 classes later*
What'd you write down in your notes?
Can I borrow your notebook? I need to study and didnt take no noteees.
Can I borrow a pencil?
Can I see that pen real quick?
Do you have another pencil laying around?
Hey can I use your writing object?
*Hands the guy a pencil*
You really need to get a mechanical pencil.
Why didn't you come study with us in the library on Monday? This is a team building class and you aren't being a team member. I texted you and everything but you didn't show up.
1. Because I live about 20 minutes away from college and don't really feel like associating with you neanderthals outside of class.
2. I doubt you would help me 'study.'
3. Also, this class has nothing to do with team building. It is biology, we are here to learn biology.
4. How could you have possibly written me a text? I didn't even give you my phone number!
I wrote my news article on phosphorous flowers. I dont know how to say phosphorous. Let me talk to you about my stupid topic during the class lecture.
What'd you get on your test? - Every time a test was handed back. You want to know what I got? I got an F because for the essay I explained how I was going to shove a pencil into my neighbors skull if she didn't stop reading the power points out loud in a mummbly-like fashion!
I've only shown up for 2 classes. I don't know what's going on man!
I got drunk this morning so if I'm hungover through the class tonight just tell me.
I cant get on apia.
Is the apia signment due today?
Can you get on Apia?
I already did my apia.
Apia had 29 questions this week. Too much apia time I spent on apia.
It's APLIA you stupid, stupid moron. Say it with me. ApLia. It has an L.
Dickens was a terrible man and he did pot!- From the guy who quoted Dickens. I found out that he may have been a little bit off which is a shame. He told me that dragons were a symbol of sexual desire in class today then said Dickens injected pot into his veins. I don't know much about drugs but I don't think you can inject it. Nor do I think pot was all the rage in the 1800's.
Stripes are the shape of God. Pyramids are the creation of hell.- Stripes are not a shape, they are a design. And why is there always some religious loony in my class?
Im gonna get wasted then bang a bartender tonight.
Ariel aint a princess cuz she's a mermaid. - Ariel is so a princess! You want to know who isn't? Mulan. She married a general and was daughter to a commoner. But she doesn’t need to be included as a princess because quite frankly, she deserves her own freaking category
Me: I apologize if I don't talk much during lab tonight. I have an awful cold.
Condescending lady: I be sick too! I had to go to church this morning then come here to dis class. Stop 'plaining.
My family has an Ireland heritage so I have red hair. All Ireland heritages have red hair.- Too bad 'Ireland heritage' isn't a thing and too bad I happen to also have ancestors from the great country of Ireland and turned out as a light brunette.
Im REAL fair skinned and one time I got sunburnt!- No way! Because sunburn never happens to us other fair skinned folks of the world.
Stupid guy: That coke for me? Thanks!- Touch my diet coke and you will lose a finger.
*Some random person talking about Obama*
Girl sitting next to me: Who's Obama?
Girl: Yeah. I keep hearing his name lately.
Get out of this country. Right now. GO.
Me: He's the president of the United States. This is his second term.
Girl: Oh. Politics aren't my thing
And speaking of politics-
*Teacher is talking about some important biologists who were considered less valuable to science than Charles Darwin. The government shutdown was also taking place at this time in 2013.*
Teacher: And then they (the other biologists) gave up. JUST LIKE THE REPUBLICANS.
Whoa. Way to totally take this lecture to the next level! Because that comment was certainly needed!
Guy: EVERYONE LISTEN UP! You best tell your kids to stay home this Halloween. Halloween is a dangerous holiday! The streets are dangerous!
Yes. Indeed it can be quite the dangerous holiday. Good thing this guy and these YouTube videos taught me all about the dangers of Halloween.
They are all sooo jellos of me cuz I didn't fail this test!
I am so jellos. Jiggly jiggle.
Man, Watson was a total G! I could easily see myself drinking with that guy if, you know, he wasn't dead. *elbow nudge*
That's it. That's all I got. Usually none of my classes are filled with this many idiots but because this semester was my last I should have expected something like this to happen.