Tonight was my last final for my very last class ever in community college. If I pass it then I pass the class and get to graduate? Then what? What am I going to do? I will graduate but then afterwards what will my life become? Will I be able to find a job? Is my major going to amount to anything? Will I be able to receive any type of job when it comes to theatre or acting? Where do I go from here? What happens now? I do believe I will be at at a crossroad after graduation. I think I may be at a crossroads in my life now.
To be honest I'm terrified. I'm afraid of the real world. I don't know anything about finances or mortgage or life. I can't even bake cookies without them turning into little hard squares and that just happened this week thanks to my clever idea to not use baking soda. School never teaches you those kinds of things yet they will continuously drill into your head the value of punnett squares and why Shakespeare was the coolest dude who ever lived. Don't get me wrong, I love Shakespeare, but he will be of no use to me if I ever decide to move away and live on my own to pursue my dream.
The counselor at my college was no help when I went into his office before my last class this semester.
Counselor: What's your major?
Me: I'm majoring in performing arts.
Counselor: Like lighting and all that?
Me: No, I enjoy the acting aspect.
Counselor: Well you may as well have saved your money by coming here. Nobody ever makes it as an actor, only about 5% of people do. Why wouldn't you major in something practical like business? I can recommend some classes for you if you wish to go that route.
Me: I don't want to major in business.
Counselor: There are other options. You can work in medicine or math or science.
Me: Thank you for your concern but at the moment I wish to graduate with an associate in arts then go elsewhere. If I choose to major in anything else I will personally request to speak with you again.
Counselor: That's nice but I want you to be practical. Unless you get accepted into U of M for this "acting" business, you are going nowhere. And although your grades are impressive they don't meet U of M's standards because you got a D in geography two semesters ago.
Although I'm not applying for any other colleges at the moment I don't want this guy to be right. I don't want to be a nobody. I don't want to be one of those people who made a practical choice when it came to their career and then ended up hating myself and my job every day. I have seen enough people like this to know that is not how I want to become.
At the end of class today I walked through the halls one last time to reminisce in my four years. I remember sitting at a little bench in the hallway talking to some of my friends who have long since moved on. I remember the first time I went to apply to the college and looked inside the theatre through the tiny windows just to see if anyone was practicing in there on a Saturday (no one was.) I remember standing in the hall before my Shakespeare class and literature class every day and talking to my classmates about what we read or did that week. I remember the first time I performed on the colleges smaller stage. I remember sitting alone in a large room with a fancy chair every morning and reading the student newspaper waiting for my philosophy class to start. I remember going to constitution day with my history class for a grade. I remember how crazy some of the teachers were but I also remember how wonderful and smart and kind some were as well. How much I disliked most of the students, how much I admired and respected and liked others. I remember everything about my four years in college no matter how big or how small. I hope to remember these things forever.
But really, what now? What happens now? My journey may have truly just begun.