Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Seems A Downright Shame

I did not get a part in Sweeney. Why? There could be multiple reasons. But I shall go with the director basically already had his cast picked out before the auditions and if you were ever in even one of his productions then you got a part. I have never been in one of his productions so I was never going to get a role from the beginning.

But if you want some back story as to how these auditions went then I shall tell you.
When I arrived at the theatre on Wednesday I was super nervous which is a strange because usually for auditions I'm more excited nervous than nervous-nervous which probably makes no sense to a lot of you. But this was basically my first 'professional' audition for a musical I have loved for years.

So I walked into the outside room where a guy handed me a five page thing to fill out with things on it such as hair color, what role are you interested in, etc. I already sent in my headshot and resume so I found it strange that I had to go through the resume part again but whatever. During this time I saw a lot of people who obviously knew each other hanging out so I started talking to them and a lot of them seemed nice but the other half seemed like I was a nuisance to their conversation. 0_o I have a word for people like this, I call them 'theatre bitches.' However I wasn't really concerned because before the audition my mom told me that I should not be intiminated by them, especially their looks. I consider myself to be somewhat plain compared to a lot of girls which is either a good thing or a curse when it comes to the theatre world. Most of the girls auditioning were quite pretty and had blonde hair- but I swear most of them had no soul. The four girls that I ended up meeting and becoming friends with were the girl who threatened to kick anyone's ass if they messed with me and introduced me to some of the people there, a girl who should have gotten the role of Johanna considering she was a dead ringer for her, a mother who was trying out for the beggar woman and was really nice to me and was very good, and just an overall nice girl who had such talent and was so nice that I couldn't help but hope that if I didn't get Mrs. Lovett that she would. However with the nice people there comes the mean. One girl who is a patron of the theatre and stars in most of this theatre's plays was a complete theatre bitch. She bragged about how she went to Chicago for improv training and how she thought the musical was dull but how she could give it everything it needed. She also found me and some of the other people there to be just an extra and how she wouldn't talk to us unless we gave her a reason to... basically if we are talented she will talk to us. Eff that. I don't want someone like you talking to me anyway.  I seriously despise people who do shit like this. I don't think I have ever hated anyone so much in my life. Most of the guys auditioning were also really cool and I really enjoyed hanging out with them more than most of the girls. 

Anyways after we filled out our 5 page paper and handed it to a guy, we were taken into the theatre where the director told us that we would all be singing alone in a room  with him and two other people judging us along with an accompanist. Yay American Idol style! Everyone would be randomly picked by the sheets we filled out. 0_0 I have heard a lot about professional auditions and was actually glad when they said they were doing it this way. I had never really done auditions like this before so it was a new experience. 

Everyone was waiting out in the waiting room area and of course the theatre group was hanging out with each other and talking loudly about their accomplishments avoiding everyone else like their life depended on it. But I did meet a few people I enjoyed talking to during this time; a music teacher, the guy who should have gotten Sweeney who was doing vocal exercises, and this 18 year old guy who was just as nervous as me. It's funny because he said that playing on his phone actually helps his nerves and by God it does! Once the door was closed some girls thought it would be fun to be extremely operaish with their voices so everyone could hear them which was apparently suppose to intimidate others auditioning. 0_o.  People were going in and out of the music room one by one, some people leaving, others just sitting in the waiting room trying to intimidate the people who hadn't gone yet (Ms. "I won't talk to you unless you're talented" being one of them. Have I mentioned how much I hated her yet?) One blonde girl who was sick and who I learned afterward that she knows my cousin even told me the following "HA! You should audition with a Sweeney song because they'll NEVER give you a part if you don't!" Orrr I can audition with this piece from Follies because I've been practicing it for weeks and you can go fall in a ditch and break your hip bone. 

As soon as my name was called to be on deck I was practically shaking. However I was lucky to have been up next after the coolest dude there because he gave me some advice before he went in and told me that he wasn't really a singer either. He was legitimately the only person I could relate to there and I gave him a hug. After he came out  he told me good luck and I went upon the stage! Everyone seemed to be supportive in the room which made me 100 times less nervous, and they loved my song selection from Follies (Ha! Take that you evil blonde witch!) I sang a little of it to the accompanist who found the right pitch for me then stood in the middle of the stage and sang it to the director and two others. I thought I did really good despite the fact that my voice cracked a tiny bit on a high note. But overall I did my best with it.

After I sang I met up with dude outside and the girl who was a dead ringer for Johanna. I swear she should have gotten the role, I'm more mad for her than I am for myself at this point. But this family was incredibly nice and I absolutely loved them, including grandpa who didn't audition but was there for support. 

Day 2- 
Go back to the theatre. The second and final day consisted of dancing, stage combat, and improv. We were supposed to do cold readings but I think the improv took it's place which was bullshit for those who have difficulty with improv like ME!

As soon as I arrived I was a lot less nervous and more excited than anything. I met a girl from the capital who wasn't able to show up the following day but she was super nice and we got along quite well.
Everyone stretched before dancing then the choreographer whom I met the day before gave us a routine which we worked on for atleast an hour which was super fun. The thing about dancing for theatre is that it looks stupid unless it is with a group-then it looks great. At the beginning of the dance I moved to the front row because I am only 5 feet tall and it was impossible for me to see the steps over 7 foot tall guys' head. What sucks about this is that after half an hour he moved the 2nd row up to the 1st and vice versa and it remained that way until the end of the dance and I had to move forward at least 25 times to see exactly what was going on. Oh and did I mention that after half an hour they gave us a 2 second or I'm sorry "5 minute" break which lasted 2 seconds where I had to wait in line for the restroom and check my blood sugar until they screamed at us all to get back onstage. I did the last hour or so of this dance with no water in my system what so ever so by the end I was feeling a little light headed, but I survived...barely. But the important thing was that I kept up!

Next up was stage combat. This is where Mr.Stage Combat dude told us to find a partner about our height to do this little stage combat exercise with and that they should be YOUR HEIGHT. Alright, that's cool I can totally be mr. eight year old kids partner for this or Johanna's considering they are both around my height. Nope. Johanna and another girl paired up and the eight year old partnered with his dad who's at least twice the kids height. Oh and by the way, there was an uneven number to be paired up. Guess who ended up with no partner? Guess who cared? Nobody. Apparently theatre is 100 times worse than high school where if you don't have a partner you not only feel like a loser for not knowing anyone, but are more hurt than anything especially when you know you have to do this to be considered for a part? Guess who left the stage area for a moment to go cry? I have never cried at an audition before, I'll never do it again. But truth be told, I doubt my feelings have ever been  hurt more at the age of 21. However one guy who did something directory-ish saw me when I was pretty much finished and asked if I was ok along with the stage manager. I told them I had no partner- they paired me with Johanna and another girl who obviously did not enjoy my being added in. I only got to practice two times before we performed it in front of everyone. And I must say I rocked! Stage combat is freaking sweet. I kind of badly want to take a class for it now.  We also had to do a flippy somersault thing on a mat. I was the only girl who succeeded in doing it correctly. HA! Then I messed up the 2nd time around. Darn.

Before I get off track I have to say that Mr.Stage Combat guy was my favorite person out of every single person I met there and I learned a lot from him. Such as rule number one; SAFETY FIRST! The thing that made this guy awesome was that he explained things in a way you could understand and went around to each group to see what they were doing right and/or wrong and didn't play favorites. Also, I learned that throwing a punch and then doing Superman is not cool. Why? "Because we all know Batman is way better than Superman." YES! Mr. Stage Combat dude you rock. 

When we were done with that instead of cold reading from the script we had to do improv which I didn't understand what so ever. Improv in Sweeney Todd? Don't see it. But we all had to line up in a row based on what gender we were and then be some type of British character. I made myself be a whore because I wanted to stand out from all the rest of the girls who did something similar one after another. And because being a whore just seemed like a good idea at the time. 0_o After that monstrosity we got into groups of ten and those groups sat in a few chairs and pretended to be possessed by eating meat pies. Before the last group went (which was the one I was in) Ms. Patron Theatre bitch calls out "Haha yeah guys come eat my meat pies!" right in front of the director/cast/stage manager, etc. Um you're not Mrs.Lovett yet bitch and you should just not get the freaking role for saying that. Oh well I showed her, because the last group only had 5 of us in it meaning 5 more people had to join us and of course the evil one decided to volunteer or basically not move from the stage after her group was finished. I sat right next to her ON PURPOSE. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer-good motto.

The girls were then told to give the director a curtsy for whatever reason and then everyone could leave. There is this one girl who kept being a frou frou throughout this entire improv exercise. She looked like this during all of it, only 200 times worse than the picture. Yes, it's possible. BLARBLARBLAR LOOK HOW FANCY I LOOK!!!

The director told us that the cast list would be posted tomorrow afternoon on facebook and their website at 12:00 exactly. But he posted it at midnight and my name was not on there no matter how many times I looked at it thinking I missed something. Nope. No name. However my favorite thing about this was that Ms. Theatre Patron Hates Talentless People Bitch got Mrs. Lovett and the choreographer who didn't even audition got Sweeney. WTF. Oh and a 6 foot tall blonde girl is playing Tobias/Toby! After reading this I had a breakdown and finally fell asleep at 4:30 am. In the words of the Sondheim they all deserve to die. Yes I am still bitter and mad. I have no intentions of auditioning for these people ever again no matter what musical or play they're doing. Oh well, there's still the college play which I was planning to go to first anyways. Hopefully I won't get cut again. 

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