It is now officially 1:40 am here in Michigan. Which means that it is the most perfect and excellent time to call random people up in the dead of night and scream at them about their non-existent pregnancies!
My phone rang and considering that it was such an ABSURD time I thought that maybe one of my families houses was on fire. Or someone died. Or someone got beaten up by a hobo with a club sandwich. Basically I don't know what's going on but it must be pretty important to telephone my household at 1:30 in the morning.
However, that was not the case at all! I got to have a wonderful conversation with Billy Son Man Jr about how I am a complete prostitute! I bet the ladies of the street in Les Mis didn't have to go through this telephone nonsense!
Here is how this conversation went;
Me (half asleep): Hello?
Billy Son Man Jr: YOU STUPID SLUT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT PREGNANT! I BET YOU SLEPT WITH RYAN CUZ YOU WAS ALL OVER HIM LAST NIGHT AT DA PARTY.
Billy Son Man Jr: You heard me you slutbag ho! What'd I keep reminding you of when we got engaged? PROTECTION. PROTECTION. PROTECTION. You can't go sleeping with others unless I approve of the intimacy! And ta hell if I'm the father! I ALWAYS use our fave protection!
Me: A life vest? (Hahahaha. Hooray for bad jokes at 1:30 in the morning!)
Billy Son Man Jr: WHO IS THIS?!?!? YOU TASHA'S ROOMMATE?
Me: No. You called the wrong number. However I did appreciate listening to your tyrannical ranting on this fine evening. Thank you. You have just given me something to blog about.
Billy Son Man Jr: WHAT? AH HELL NA BRO. YOU NOT BLOGGIN THIS. THIS AINT YOUR BUSINESS. I'LL STAB YA FAMILY IF YA BLOG.
Me: 0_0 Not on my waaaaatch. Goodbye! (hangs up phone.)
Didn't he seem like such a nice fellow? So nice that I even gave him a name. I weep real life tears for you Tasha. There is so much wrong with this, and that makes the entire thing hilarious. I kind of wish I would have said yes to being Tasha's roommate. I bet Billy had some words for her as well! I'm quite positive that I will get to see this guys face one day for he and Tasha are destined for a future episode of Maury.