Monday, April 23, 2012

Worst Movies Ever

These are the worst movies I have ever had the misfortune of seeing. Or just movies I dislike. Either way all of the horrible ones are on this list and if they are not then I have probably never seen the film or disagree with what you think is awful. Now onward to the list!

My Name is Zorra-Me and my english class watched this my freshmen year when my teacher went on the senior trip and some ignoramous of a sub guy forced us to watch it. I couldn't even tell you what the movie was about considering it was so IMBECILIC and based on a $2 budget and people who couldn't act to save their lives. The entire movie revolved around these horrid actors performing scenes from the writings of  Zora Neale Hurston ON A STAGE. I think the only thing I got out of it was something about some African American woman going to the devil because she was hooch-ish and hated her life.

But the thing that got me the most confused and irritated was that these actors were performing this stuff on a bloody stage! Possibly in front of the public! It is one thing to record stage productions if they are good, but this thing greatly insulted the theatre, actors who actually know how to act without "tlkin lyk fuulss" to enunciate or get the point across, not to mention the works of a dead writer.

Marie Antoinette- I loved the costumes and girly surroundings and found the film visually stunning. I always have liked the history surrounding Marie Antoinette and think Kirsten Dunst is a pretty good actress. So why did I despise this film and want everyone to choke on a piece of cake? To put it simply it was stupid and pointless and it's not a good adaptation of her life what so ever. To put it bluntly this movie makes Marie look like a whore,  And she had a tragic life and Hollywood yet again fails to show any of that. She doesnt even get her head chopped off. The main plot of the movie: get up, get dressed, eat sugar, have sex, go to sleep. I swear half of the time I wasn't sure if it was a comedy or if I should fall asleep. The movie is like The Producer's Springtime for Hitler only not as creative or fun.

The Wave-I had to watch this sophmore year in US history and it was just so stupid that you couldnt help but laugh. I suggest everyone goes and look it up on youtube right now because you cannot explain this movie, you have to experience it! It is actually based on a real life story that is taken to a new level with the horrid actors. Honestly it has a good message but a bad delivery. 

Finding Forester- A movie about some kid who plays 'b-ball' and wants to write to impress higher class students.Can you say waste of 5 minutes of my life? And yet I was forced to watch it 3 DIFFERENT TIMES in my high school because it had a "positive message" which had something to do with following your heart to get out of the slums. I believe Oprah had a similiar episode to this entire movie with real life people and how they made something out of their life after living in poor areas in New York and by stopping the drive bys!  I think this was the movie where I started counting ceiling tiles in my movie appreciation class.

We are Marshall- It's a football movie, of course I hated it. Because as everyone knows football can be used as a metaphor for life. It's based on a  true story about some football team that dies in a plane crash and then they have a coach that tries to be funny but isn't because his name is Matthew McConaughey. The movie lacked realism and 99% of the film had the actors crying.

School Ties- Some stupid movie about some COLLEGE KIDS who have issues and an HONOR CODE and some lame professor who says SOMEONE CHEATED SO YOU ALL FAIL! I am pretty sure its illegal to do that. Oh and they randomly sing songs about cafes!

Secondhand LIONS-Two words DEFEND YOURSELF! lol. *facepalm*

The Whale Rider- I mainly didn't like it because I didn't understand it. It was about some Maori girl and her perverted grandpa who tells kids to STICK THEIR TONGUE OUT BECAUSE IF YOU DO THAT THEN IT MEANS IM GOING TO EAT YOU! and to SLAP THEIR CHESTS UNTIL THEY BLEED! And the lead girl sings songs at random moments and it gets annoying really fast.Whats worse is this movie isn't even about WHALES until the end! 

Powder-Seriously who in there right mind wrote this move again, oh thats right they HAD NO MIND TO BEGIN WITH! The movie is about some kid whos paler then an albino who has TELEKINETIC POWERS and then gets struck by lightening then magically disappears into the sky when a cop chases them. Yeah thats the end of the movie,sounds great huh?

 Aeon Flux- I didnt even understand the point of it. I think it was supposed to be about some girl with superpowers? I dunno. I didnt even finish it because it was pure stupidity.

Flash Gordon- Now I didn't watch this one by choice. Practically all of the movies I listed were not by choice. Oh no, I was forced to watch this or Spiderman for a humanities class. This is just rofl worthy. Timothy Dalton you could have done so much better than this! 

Avatar- That's right you read correctly. It's a nature worship claptrap and  the plot line and characters sucked and they had no depth whatsoever

The Conqueror- John Wayne as Genghis Khan. Someone needs to get shot for that casting choice!!!

Movies So Bad, I Can Tell Without Even Seeing Them 
Anything Will Ferrell is in.
Anything with Adam Sandler. But he can feel free to sing the Hanukkah song year round.

Have any more suggestions for stupid movies let me know, I'll add them, trust me!

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