Monday, November 11, 2013

Weirdos At College

I believe that I have talked about this guy on my blog before but for those of you not aware there is a guy in my biology class who is in a wheelchair. He never shows up to class but whenever he does he always has to act like an idiot and be creepy. And today he decided to sit right next to me, talk to me all through class (while I'm taking notes) along with popping some pills and drinking his "water" (which I'm pretty sure was vodka). He also wanted to have a rousing discussion on how high he was and how hot Kelly Osbourne is and how he would totally bang her.  That is not okay. I am in college to learn, not listen to you spout off about things unrelated to the class. Not only was this guy irritating me he was disrupting the learning process. If you want to talk about Kelly Osbourne's hotness with someone, do it on your own time, not mine.

Then after taking a sip of his "water" he decides to get into this debate with me. Why I even responded to him I couldn't tell you.

Him: You need to have kids.
Me: No. I don't like kids.
Him: Bullshit. You love kids
Me: No I really can't stand them.
Him: Don't you think they're cute?
Me: No. They cry and never shut up.
Him: Cuz they're sad and like to talk. Come on! I have three kids who have three different mamas and they turned out alright.
I'm sure they did...
Me: I'm not having kids.
Him: Atleast try once.
Me: No.
Him: Why not? You'd be a great parent cuz you look childish yourself!!!
I couldn't even answer that. Da fuq? How does looking like a child make someone a capable parent for raising little spawns? Dude you have issues. 
Him: If I was a girl I'd be having children all the time! As soon as you have the first kid you gotta have more!
Because as we all are aware, childbirth is a completely painless process. I told him FOUR TIMES that I don't want kids so the reasonable reaction he has to that? Have more than one! 

I have absolutely no idea why this guy is so concerned about my decision of not wanting kids. Does he wish to have a child with me? Actually let's not even think about that! I have enough nightmares as it is. It's my life and if I don't want kids I truly think people should respect that decision.

And I have lab on Mondays (along with this idiot) so that means that even AFTER class he wouldn't STFU about this. It would seem that being 22 and not having a kid is crazy talk in this guys world! My time clock to have kids is running out! Yes. Time clock. That is what he said.

Then he starts telling me about his recent girlfriends birthing process. NO. IF I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE BIRTHING PROCESS I WILL GOOGLE IT. THANK YOU. It was just an overall weird experience. Who in their right mind would think that this topic of conversation would be nice to have with a complete stranger?

Still, I did meet some cool people in lab. Two of the people who have lab on Wednesday came to our lab today and we all got to work in a group together. AND THEY COULD SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH AND USE FULL SENTENCES! Nobody will ever realize how overjoyed that made me. It took us about 45 minutes to complete the lab which is a new record for me considering condescending lady and wheelchair guy always have to argue about who is right about whatever we are doing. Wheelchair guy was still a weirdo and kept crying about how he "don't know what to do cuz he don't understand." I tried explaining to him that he was looking over a yellow paper for CLASS and not the blue one for LAB which is probably why he didn't understand. But God forbid I try to help someone, even a person who doesn't deserve my help. As soon as I told him this he starts flipping out on me for calling him stupid and that I'm racist and how I don't know what I'm talking about because stupid people don't take care of three kids and a foster child or have three college degrees or have time to pick up another degree. Right. Because as everyone knows, telling someone they are reading the wrong paper calls for that. You know what stupid people really do? Brag about their life accomplishments when no one was asking about them then calling someone a racist because they are trying to help you understand something. Stupid people do that.

Speaking of stupid people, I forgot to mention how the group project went. Honestly it went pretty good but sadly I wasn't able to put down a 0 for my project partners because they were looking over my freaking shoulder when she handed us the evaluation sheet.
Certainly we weren't the worst group. Most of the groups did pretty great with the exception of one. This group made a PowerPoint and quite possibly spelled everything wrong on it. One of the guys in the group didn't show up so it was just two country bumpkins trying to explain osmosis. This is how the presentation went, in their exact words;
"Wen da egg yoke turn blu then u will c blu vapoer in the water. We used a egg to test out our hypoythyisiz."
-Wen? Like the shampoo they always advertise on commercials at 3 am?
-And how will you see blue or I'm sorry "blu vapoer" in the water if all you did was dye the egg blue?
-Then there's my favorite, A egg. A EGG. Not AN EGG. A EGG. Say that out loud. Then remind yourself to never say it again!
-Oh and hypoythyisiz is my new favorite noun!
Hypoythyisiz- To hypnotize a person with hypotension into thinking they are Shakespeare but wear a bigger size in pants.

I weep for the coming generation of teachers entering the school system, I truly do.

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