Children

I'm not sure how many times I have to say this but I do not like children what so ever. Get your children out of my sight and I'll be fine. This includes stupid teenagers who are into Justin Bieber and call everything they see "gay." Get away from me. Graduate middle school before talking to me and stop thinking you know everything. I do not like that! You are 8 years old, you know absolutely nothing!

So I went to a nice restaurant to have lunch with my dad today and there was this little kid, maybe about 3, sitting next to us trying to order.
 “Come on, Joey. Ask the nice lady. Tell the nice lady what you're having. Come on, sweetie. Say it.”
 “Ice cream!”
“No sweetie, no ice cream. What did you want to order Joey? Say the order!"
*stares blankly at his mom for 5 minutes*
"Fen fies!"
“Yes, french fries! Good job! And what order of fries do you want? Tell the lady, come on tell her. What size?
"Small!"
"Very good Joey!"
     
You want to know what would have been better? If Joey ordered a lobster- of a large proportion! I understand that this child is trying to learn to speak but it's freaking annoying. Don't do this. Ever. Stop it. Stop it right now. It's not cute. You're not cute by doing this and your child is not cute and both of you are irritating me. STOP IT.

Then if that's not bad enough (considering we waited about 15 minutes for these people to order some freaking french fries) there was another kid who kept running around the restaurant and almost knocked a chair into my head then laughed. Way to go parents. Just so you know I'm not above smacking your kid and if he doesn't get away from me or stop laughing in the next ten seconds I will smack him so it is best if you remove your hellion out of my presence immediately.
And what did the parents have to say to this young lad?
"No Jack. That's not polite. Let's go back to our seat now honey."
Yes. Remember everyone it's not polite to almost give people brain damage!

Then when I come home my neighbors (not the ones with the red car) are throwing a party for a child. And they never shut up! They keep screaming and blowing whistle party thingys and throwing sticks and balloons into my yard!  And when they scream they are screaming like they are getting murdered! They need to stop, go home, and read a book quietly in their basement or go on the internet and talk to strangers because yelling and throwing things into my yard and being a rambunctious annoying rugrat is not okay with me.

Also, people need to stop showing me pictures/videos of their kid. I am not amused by them!

Incase you haven't guessed I am never having children. And I'm not changing my mind. Everyone always tells me that I'll change my mind and I'll do that once I change my mind about how hoodies and shorts should always be worn together.