Worst Movies Ever

These are the worst movies I have ever had the misfortune of seeing. Or just movies I dislike. Either way all of the horrible ones are on this list and if they are not then I have probably never seen the film or disagree with what you think is awful. Now onward to the list!

My Name is Zorra-Me and my english class watched this my freshmen year when my teacher went on the senior trip and some ignoramous of a sub guy forced us to watch it. I couldn't even tell you what the movie was about considering it was so IMBECILIC and based on a $2 budget and people who couldn't act to save their lives. The entire movie revolved around these horrid actors performing scenes from the writings of  Zora Neale Hurston ON A STAGE. I think the only thing I got out of it was something about some African American woman going to the devil because she was hooch-ish and hated her life.

But the thing that got me the most confused and irritated was that these actors were performing this stuff on a bloody stage! Possibly in front of the public! It is one thing to record stage productions if they are good, but this thing greatly insulted the theatre, actors who actually know how to act without "tlkin lyk fuulss" to enunciate or get the point across, not to mention the works of a dead writer.

Marie Antoinette- I loved the costumes and girly surroundings and found the film visually stunning. I always have liked the history surrounding Marie Antoinette and think Kirsten Dunst is a pretty good actress. So why did I despise this film and want everyone to choke on a piece of cake? To put it simply it was stupid and pointless and it's not a good adaptation of her life what so ever. To put it bluntly this movie makes Marie look like a whore,  And she had a tragic life and Hollywood yet again fails to show any of that. She doesnt even get her head chopped off. The main plot of the movie: get up, get dressed, eat sugar, have sex, go to sleep. I swear half of the time I wasn't sure if it was a comedy or if I should fall asleep. The movie is like The Producer's Springtime for Hitler only not as creative or fun.

The Wave-I had to watch this sophmore year in US history and it was just so stupid that you couldnt help but laugh. I suggest everyone goes and look it up on youtube right now because you cannot explain this movie, you have to experience it! It is actually based on a real life story that is taken to a new level with the horrid actors. Honestly it has a good message but a bad delivery. 

Finding Forester- A movie about some kid who plays 'b-ball' and wants to write to impress higher class students.Can you say waste of 5 minutes of my life? And yet I was forced to watch it 3 DIFFERENT TIMES in my high school because it had a "positive message" which had something to do with following your heart to get out of the slums. I believe Oprah had a similiar episode to this entire movie with real life people and how they made something out of their life after living in poor areas in New York and by stopping the drive bys!  I think this was the movie where I started counting ceiling tiles in my movie appreciation class.

We are Marshall- It's a football movie, of course I hated it. Because as everyone knows football can be used as a metaphor for life. It's based on a  true story about some football team that dies in a plane crash and then they have a coach that tries to be funny but isn't because his name is Matthew McConaughey. The movie lacked realism and 99% of the film had the actors crying.

School Ties- Some stupid movie about some COLLEGE KIDS who have issues and an HONOR CODE and some lame professor who says SOMEONE CHEATED SO YOU ALL FAIL! I am pretty sure its illegal to do that. Oh and they randomly sing songs about cafes!

Secondhand LIONS-Two words DEFEND YOURSELF! lol. *facepalm*

The Whale Rider- I mainly didn't like it because I didn't understand it. It was about some Maori girl and her perverted grandpa who tells kids to STICK THEIR TONGUE OUT BECAUSE IF YOU DO THAT THEN IT MEANS IM GOING TO EAT YOU! and to SLAP THEIR CHESTS UNTIL THEY BLEED! And the lead girl sings songs at random moments and it gets annoying really fast.Whats worse is this movie isn't even about WHALES until the end! 

Powder-Seriously who in there right mind wrote this move again, oh thats right they HAD NO MIND TO BEGIN WITH! The movie is about some kid whos paler then an albino who has TELEKINETIC POWERS and then gets struck by lightening then magically disappears into the sky when a cop chases them. Yeah thats the end of the movie,sounds great huh?

 Aeon Flux- I didnt even understand the point of it. I think it was supposed to be about some girl with superpowers? I dunno. I didnt even finish it because it was pure stupidity.

Flash Gordon- Now I didn't watch this one by choice. Practically all of the movies I listed were not by choice. Oh no, I was forced to watch this or Spiderman for a humanities class. This is just rofl worthy. Timothy Dalton you could have done so much better than this! 

Avatar- That's right you read correctly. It's a nature worship claptrap and  the plot line and characters sucked and they had no depth whatsoever

The Conqueror- John Wayne as Genghis Khan. Someone needs to get shot for that casting choice!!!

Movies So Bad, I Can Tell Without Even Seeing Them 
Anything Will Ferrell is in.
Anything with Adam Sandler. But he can feel free to sing the Hanukkah song year round.
Bruno
Borat

Have any more suggestions for stupid movies let me know, I'll add them, trust me!

Best Laughs Ever

In no particular order:

1. Bellatrix Lestrange- Oh come on, everyone knew this was going to be here. BELLATRIX IS FREEEE!!!!

2. Wicked Witch of the West- LOVE LOVE LOVE! The only bad thing about this laugh is that a lot of people think that this is the only evil laugh they can use when they are told to "do an evil laugh". Not true. 

3. Jafar (Jonathan Freeman)- Best evil laugh in any Disney movie. It's an evil laugh in song form! Whenever someone can laugh during a song it just makes it a billion times better.

4. Vincent Price from Michael Jackson's "Thriller." Everything about this laugh is just creepily awesome!

5. Sideshow Bob from The Simpson (voiced by Kelsey Grammar)- This is why everyone should love Kelsey Grammar. Not because of Frasier or his broadway shows, because of this! I mean just look how happy he is! 

6. Mao from Code Geass- This guy is crazy. Which makes his laugh about the same as his personality!

7. Agent Smith from The Matrix- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

8. Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty

9. The best laugh ever. Period. 

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Most Annoying Songs Ever

FYI this list will not include anyone who goes by the name of Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, or K$SHA for every single one of those people make me want to rip my eardrums out.

1. Best I Ever Had by Drake

"Sweatpants, hair-tied, chillin’ with no makeup on"- I swear if one more person puts this as their facebook status or quotes it I am shooting them. No, you do not look your best like this, atleast try to have some decency people!

2. My Humps by Black Eyes Peas
I don't even think I need to post the lyrics to this for every has probably heard it atleast once in their entire life. The lyrics are horrible and if you made it through the entire music video I salute you. I find it sad that everyone knows all of the dirty lyrics to this... including me. And it stays in your head against your will!


3. Wilfire by Michael Martin Murphey

 It seems to be telling us a story about a girl named she and she dies in the first few seconds of the horrid song which I believe is supposed to make everyone cry if they are not already so bloody confused!
"They say she died one winter when there came a killing frost"

Then the song get's even more trippy and tells us that the she beforehand is now miraculously a ghost and is going to KILL HIM.
" There's been a hoot owl howlin' by my window now for six nights in a row. She's coming for me I know."
Or maybe "she" is supposed to be a metaphor for death which still makes no sense when it is applied to the beginning of the song!

4. Good Riddance by Green Day

I just really REALLY cannot stand this song. *avoids flying sharp objects.*  I didn't like it when it came out and it still tends to get overplayed. Everyone says "OMG this song is so meaningful and deep and makes me sooo sad when I hear it." No. I can literally write a poem just like this which depicts looking back at life. To me, the song really isn't that great.

5. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper

If you don't picture a bunch of fake-blonde haired shallow drunken girls dancing around in a nightclubI congratulate you. It also gives such a bad image of what girls are expected to be like half the time. I'm a girl, and I find this offensive!


6. You're Beautiful by James Blunt

This song makes the list because it's truly so horrible that it's hard to listen to. And has anyone noticed that this guy has never had another hit single after this one? Well there's a reason for that, he was more than likely stoned while writing THIS song and probably his entire album and it was just a one time thing for him.
So the song starts off by telling us about a druggy who lays his little eyes on a person of the female persuassion on a subway and basically begins stalking her afterwards although he knows there is no way in hell he shall ever have her.
Here's a stalkery line;
"She was with another man. But I won't lose no sleep on that, 'cause I got a plan." WHAT IS THIS PLAN? Does it involve something Criminal Mindish, like running the un-high man over with a car then selling his body parts for profit?
Then we get these lyrics which only further indicate that this guy is a bit off his rocker!
" Yeah, she caught my eye. As we walked on by. She could see from my face that I was f***ing high."  LOL! In the video you can figure this out in the first 8 seconds when he starts stripping off his clothes for no apparent reason and looking at the camera to relay his message to his lady love who got wise and more than likely filed a restraining order on him! "Cause I'll never be with you" fully confirms my suspision!

7. This Is Why I'm Hot by MIMS
Someone thinks a bit too highly of themselves. So much that they must repeat how hot they are every 10 seconds to get the point across!

More will be added at a later date! But I have to ask, what song do you think is the most cringe worthy ever? Comments are love! <3

"At his head a grass-green turf, At his heels a stone."

Music: Passage by Vienna Teng

Today in literature class our teacher told us that we were going to be acting out/ doing a read through of Hamlet and then went on about the story and how everyone pretty much dies at the end. Before she could even ask what character everyone wanted to be I raised my hand in the air and say "Ophelia!"
Seriously, that is exactly what happened.
Teacher: Ok so we will be acting out this classic piece and I have to ask you guys what character you want to- *sees my hand in the air* >name<"
Me: Ophelia!
Then this girl in my class who sits two chairs diagonally infront of  me turns around and goes "NO! I wanted Ophelia!"
Too bad. You have to be a little quicker next time! I have wanted this role since I read the play back in 09. Trust me, you will not get this part from me unless I am dead.

Then everyone else starts saying what character they want to be and one girl who is really nice actually turned and asked what role she should go for and I told her that the ghost of Hamlet's father was pretty badass considering everyone else was going for Polonius and Fortinbras and basically the main characters. Ghost of Hamlet's Father basically makes the play in my opinion. So the nice girl took that part based on my suggestion and I'm just REALLY hoping she likes it.

Well obviously not everyone liked their part, mostly the girls, because some of them had to play *gasp* Horatio or *gasp* Guildenstern! One girl even thought Gertrude was a man. Well these girls for the first time ever are speaking to me and trying to be my best friend because they want to read the part of Ophelia. I was even BRIBED.

NO FOOLS! I am Ophelia, back off! I'm sorry you are not, be happy with the characters you got, none of them are that bad!

College Day

Today in college for some reason I felt pretty sleepy. I have no idea if it was because of the whack hour I fell asleep or because everything was incredibly boring but essentially just like any other day. And of course WITH STORIES!


Surprisingly I didn't see anyone in the hallways this morning with the exception of my dads girlfriend's daughter who I don't think even saw me, or if she did she was completely avoiding me. Cool.


But in literature class I was about ready to strangle my teacher who thought it would be professional to call me a whore. Everyone in class was assigned a Greek God/Goddess or someone having to do with mythology and I felt that it would have been polite to just tell me "You have Cupid" but she decides to extend that to "You have Cupid because you had a lot of boyfriends!" SINCE WHEN? I have never had a boyfriend you nut bar of a twit! And yes, that is a sad thing because I'm 20, but thanks for letting the class think I'm easy! This is just an overall horrible accusation to make to someone when you are a payed professional. I wasn't even wearing anything remotely whore-ish either. I doubt a Dr. Pepper t-shirt will make guys have an interest in me. Ugh, I still think she's the 2nd best teacher I have this semester though. But  I swear when we read Shakespeare aloud and perform it in an acting style if you don't give me a good part I'm going to be extremely upset. People need to get something through their heads, I may be the nicest person you've ever come across but if you make me mad it is war and you do not want a war to happen for I have ways of making you lose! BWAHAHAHAHA!


But after everyone was assigned their mythological character (fyi I really wanted Medusa and some girl who loves Twilight got her -kill me now-) everyone had to get into groups of three to discuss one of Emily Dickinson's poems. Usually I work with the three people behind me but because they are all bff's I knew I had to find another group to work with. So I ask the two girls sitting infront of me if I can work with them, the girl who drinks redbull every morning and wears way too much eyeliner and came into the class the 2nd week responded by literally screaming: WE ALREADY HAVE A GROUP! YOU CAN'T JOIN IN! FIND ANOTHER ONE!" Um ok, what exactly just happened here? Wait I know, another person just made my "I will ruin you" list! In the end I ended up working with another girl who never talks and a cool guy who I was surprised knew how to read poetry and comprehend it! This guy shall now be in my group until the semester is over. This guy seems to be going through chemotherapy at the moment and I truly hope the best for him.


In theatre class some lady from the library came in and taught us the value of reading or something like that, and after she left we continued to watch youtube videos about children's programming. Yo Gaba Gaba has to be the most annoying thing I have ever had to misfortune to see in my life. I felt mentally molested watching how some green thing had a party in his tummy while repeating the same words over and over and OVER AND OVER.


After theatre class I went to art and almost fell asleep. Just a quick note: falling asleep in this class is frowned upon by my psychotic art teacher. Also, I'm not sure if I mentioned this before but in this class I am sitting by a few gangsta kids and their friend who I can't understand when she talks named Baby Girl. Baby Girl fell asleep and I thought she was going to get her head chopped off. To make myself stay awake I walked out the doors, ran around the building, then came back in to learn about dimensions and space which are not particularly fascinating subjects to learn about what so ever, especially when the topics are screamed at you boringly. Thanks be to Gods that I didn't doze off.


Rehearsal is tonight so maybe I can take a nap before then. Bye!

IS THIS CRAYON? IN MY CLASSROOM?!?!?!? THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!

Today has been a good day. I didn't have a quiz in literature and my theatre class was really neat today. Our awesome teacher showed us some youtube videos on children's television and what actors shouldn't do when acting infront of children. Saying "HEY THERE KIDS!" in an overly happy and fake voice will terrify them or make them think you are phony. My teacher actually gave this example in such a hilarious way that I was laughing for a straight 10 minutes. Then he showed us this video of the famous Mr.Rogers:



Am I seriously the only one who laughed watching this? I know it's terrible of me and I had no idea why I found this so funny and I'm a terrible person for doing so,  but when I saw this in class I was literally rofl and I swear half of my classmates thought I was on crack. My reaction went something like this during the video;
"He left so fast." *creepily stares into camera* as soon as we started talking about divorce." - I looked over at some other kid in class who's giving Mr. Roger's a dude WTH  look and I start laughing.
"I know a little girl and a little boy..." Laughs uncontrollably. I know this episode was made in the 50's but that doesn't make the way he says it any less funny.
"Are all GROWN UP things" - Dies laughing.

I'm not trying to bad mouth Mr. Roger's he was a cool guy and when I was younger my mom said I used to fall asleep watching him. I'm not dissing people who get divorces or children of divorcee's either. I just am not understanding why this was so funny to me today and I don't like things I don't understand.

As always art class today was productive as usual. At the beginning of class there is always a sign in sheet for us to write our names down on. Today I wrote my name in crayon with the color of  Razzmatazz. Now I did this for a few reasons.
1. I like color
2. I always sign my name in color whenever I have crayons or a colorful coloring tool with me
3. It's an art class. I thought art=color and color=good.

Well not in this classroom environment! Now I shared this lovely colored crayon with some of my other classmates and one guy even thought it was 'sweet' that someone brought in a crayon, because you know, crayons are pretty cool.  

My teacher did not find crayons or color sweet at all.

So I go to sit down at my table and she grabs the sign in sheet and starts flipping out.

"WHY IS MY SIGN IN SHEET ALL IN CRAYON?!?!? WHOEVER THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT IDEA TO USE CRAYON ON MY SIGN IN SHEET HERE'S A NEWSFLASH! CRAYON IS NOT A VALUABLE ART TOOL AND WILL NEVER MAKE YOU AN ARTIST! WHOEVER BROUGHT IN CRAYON RAISE YOUR HAND NOW!"

Alls I can say is thank God nobody knew I was the bringer of the colored crayon or if they did thank God they didn't tell her. I really didn't think it would be that big of a deal, I mean it's a crayon, not a bomb. And it was in a seeable color, it was not laser light yellow! And from what I can tell I thought everyone wrote their names really neat.

She then starts screaming for another five minutes about how crayons are inappropriate artistic tools for the future artists of the world. Because everyone in that class strives to be a future artist. *sarcasm*

"I DON'T LIKE CRAYON! CRAYONS ARE WASHABLE AND UNREALISTIC IN ART! YOU KIDS ARE IN COLLEGE, YOU NEED TO ACT LIKE YOU ARE ADULTS RATHER THAN CHILDREN. CHILDREN USE CRAYONS, ADULTS SHOULD NOT! NOBODY HERE CAN NAME ME ANY PIECE OF ARTWORK USED OR DISPLAYED IN CRAYON BECAUSE CRAYONS ARE NOT A GREAT FORMAT FOR ARTISTIC PIECES! NOW, FROM WHAT I CAN TELL ON THIS LIST >my name< WAS THE FIRST TO USE A DESPICABLE CRAYON WHICH ONLY MEANS THAT HE OR SHE MUST HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO BRING IT IN! BE WARNED NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,  IF I SO MUCH AS SEE A CRAYON IN MY CLASSROOM I WILL KICK YOU OUT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY! THERE ARE TO BE NO CRAYONS IN MY CLASSROOM!"

Lol. Stupid lady. I happen to really enjoy crayons! I shall now make it my mission in life to bring in a different colored crayon daily just to see her reaction! I always show up a few minutes early  (pretty much before any of the other kids) so I am going to set a crayon down near the sign up sheet every day and see if people actually write with it just to make her mad. If they don't then there is always colored pencils and marker and she said nothing about not using those. In fact I think I will bring in all three coloring utensils just to really agitate the crazy art teacher.

I Shall Drink Tea and Be Ensemble Like

I got a part in the ensemble for my college's musical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was going to go walk uptown for an appointment to have my eyebrows waxed and I just stepped out the door when the phone rang with an unlisted number. I was going to be super mad if it was a solicitor because I only had about five minutes until my appointment (which included walking on icy roads in which I could trip on and get brain damage) but surprisingly it was the director.

He started talking to me all serious like with a somewhat happy undertone which made me think "oh no, I didn't get a part, FML" but after I thought that for about two seconds he told me that my audition was fantastic and that I had a part in the ensemble!

Rehearsals start tomorrow and I am beyond excited to even have a part! However I will be checking out those cast lists just to be sure...