Scars of Rememberance

I was looking at my body today and realized that I have a lot of scars, most of which are not from surgery.

There's;
1. My appendix scar which I got when I was 10. I had to miss a concert because I had to get my appendix removed.
2. Scar on my thigh where a pitcher in softball hit me with the ball
3. Scar on my shoulder where my mom cut me with glass
4. Two scars on my knuckles where my hand accidentally went through a window
Right now I have;
A bruise on my leg where my mom threw a 2 liter of pop at me

Then there's my emotional scars which I don't think I will ever be rid of. These scars include;

- All of 7th grade. I had no friends and it was the norm for 18 girls at a time to gang up on me at recess. This all stemmed from me calling some girl a "bitch" online after she and her friend sent me an IM messages telling me how worthless I am and that there is a popular group for a reason and that I needed to go kill myself. They then sent only my portion of the IM where I called them a bitch to everyone they knew and changed everything they said then printed out copies and gave them to a teacher at school. I ended up getting in trouble and losing a ton of "friends" because of this. No one listened to what I had to say. Nobody ever believed me. Most of my recesses consisted of eating and reading alone in the library. I eventually got kicked out and told that I needed to join the other students and make some friends. How did I make friends? By being surrounded and bullied by girls and eventually getting into a fist fight. I remember it as if this were yesterday;
*Girls keep kicking me*
Me: How about you STOP KICKING ME
*girls start laughing and continue to freaking touch and kick me.*
One girl thought it would be fun to slap my face so I threw her into a table. A different girl then went at me and tried punching me. The 17 or so girls cornered me near a wall and it took at least 5 minutes before the recess lady came and broke up our fight.

This was all because I told people that popular groups and stereotypes were stupid. But because I defended myself online people could do or say whatever they wished and they did exactly that so I turned out looking like a terrible person.

I also remember there were three girls who gave my favorite teacher the email and me and them all had to sit down in her room and talk about my actions and then all three of them tell me flat out that they would never be my friend again and that if they avoided me it was only because they didn't want to get mixed up in this mess. People wonder why I have a hard time making friends today, there's your answer. I have trouble trusting others after this whole fiasco.

Then there was the science teacher who absolutely disliked me before I even entered her class. As soon as one of the "popular" girls told her what happened she made my life a living hell and at times bullied me worse than any of the kids. She called me a "f***ing worthless girl who would amount to nothing" once and then asked if I was "retarded." Great things to say to a person who's 12 years old! What makes this even more ironic is that this evil teacher had a picture of a kid who committed suicide hanging up on her wall and went over it on the very first day and said how she never wanted to see that happen to another student and how we should all treat each other with respect. Yeah, I think respect should go both ways and this teacher never earned mine.

-In 8th grade I met someone in my math class and we became good friends because we both disliked math. In this year I was failing all of my classes and during a conference my math teacher started overly dramatizing to my mom about how I was a failure and then a freaking janitor lady came into the room and told my mom how my book has been in her cart for THREE MONTHS. Which was a total lie considering I was using a different book and the book she had wasn't even my number. Janitor lady had no business in the room during a conference in the first place.

- I lost my best friend in 7th grade. I basically lost all my friends after 8th. They would of rather hung out with the people who could make them look good when they went into high school, and that's fine. I did okay without them, but it still kind of hurts and not something I really like to talk about.

- The few friends I did make in middle school never really hung around with me during high school for they were either too busy doing drugs, having boyfriends, or being jerks.

- I made a new group of friends in high school in 9th grade. I also started getting into theatre again. But by my sophomore year I was sitting alone at a lunch table every day because these friends ditched me. I remember going to the library with them my sophomore year and then having one girl tell me that they didn't want to hang out with me anymore and to just STOP FOLLOWING THEM. I didn't really think I WAS following them considering they asked every person at the table to go to the computer lab in the library but okay. I learned that everyone in that group includes every person but me. On that day when they all went to the back room in the computer lab I sat alone at a table in the library. Because I was a sophomore and the library was to be used during lunch hours for SENIORS ONLY these senior girls wanted to get me kicked out. I started crying and the librarian lady told the girls to basically eff off. She was the best person I met during my time in high school.

- During my junior year this librarian became a teacher for British literature, a class all juniors were required to take. I absolutely loved the subject and the class and looked forward to it every day. I took a lot of wonderful classes my junior year (including drama!!!=) ) and I started playing soccer. Due to soccer and drama and these classes I started making acquaintances. I think it was because of these things that I stopped caring so much about my loneliness. I was still lonely and still bullied but I didn't notice it or care as much.

- My senior year I started sitting with the goth kids at lunch. I don't think they particularly cared for me but they were a good bunch of people and never made me feel horrible about myself. I took drama again that year although I preferred it my junior year more. I also had nobody to walk with at my graduation because everyone I hung out with either already graduated the past few years or were a few years behind me so I got stuck between the one guy who was supposed to graduate three years before and the other guy who's father died in high school.  And let me tell you, we looked the BEST. We were the last people to go out to the gym but we looked THE BEST and we looked classy and even if we didn't who cares? I was out of there!

- I recently lost my best friend who stuck by me from 7th grade onward. She would rather hang out with her boyfriend (now girlfriend, thanks Facebook) and is apparently not allowed to speak to anyone outside of her college fraternity sisters.

- I now have no friends. Many acquaintances, zero friends. I can guarantee that none of my Facebook pals would take a bullet for me.

- A group of people bullied me to tears on the day of my grandfathers funeral. They told me that he was lucky to be dead so he wouldn't have to see my face anymore.

- Every single time someone has called me fat. My grandmother is notorious for it. So is my mom. One girl in middle school asked me "If I had enough to eat" once when I was only eating a peanut butter sandwich. A guy in high school (drama class) blankly stated that I was fat once.

- Every single time someone has called me ugly or has implied it. A guy in college told me I was "pretty" once and then told me right after that I probably never hear that so he was doing a good deed.

- Every single time I have been cut from a theatre production. Acting is everything to me and when I was cut from Sweeney Todd that really hurt. When I wasn't cast in anything after that someone may as well have just stuck a knife into my stomach. The knife is still there.

Then let's not forget all of the names I have been called; stupid, dumb, ugly, fat, lesbian, freak, spazz, weirdo, freak nazi, whore, slut, bitch, retard, demented little freak, loser, creep, schitzo, weirdo, crybaby, forehead girl, helpless, worthless, unlucky, etc.

Overall you would think these things would make me a stronger person and I must admit that some of them have, but I don't think I will ever forget these things and what has happened to me. I didn't list everything or go into full detail with a lot of this because it's hard for me to even write as much as I did for these are not things I like to talk about. I've never spoken about these things in real life however, I felt like getting these things out there and my blog seemed like the only place where I can do so without being criticized.

Looking back on 2013

1:What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

• I went through my very first ever power outage which was pretty gloomy and dark but a new experience. I swam in the ocean in Myrtle Beach for hours on end and was not afraid of a shark eating my face. I saw a bunch of movies in my class this summer that I have always wanted to see but never had time to do so. I discovered how stressful 4 credit courses can be when your entire class sucks. I finally had a chance to work behind the scenes in theatre instead of on the stage. And last but not least, I went to my very first ever voice acting audition. I wasn't cast but that was a wonderful WONDERFUL experience to have and I really hope to audition for more voice acting things in the future. 
• 2:Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
• I didn't really make any resolutions last year. As for this year I guess my resolution is to get out of my comfort zone and to try new things. I would say that I should quit judging others for their lack of knowledge or their lack of using spell check, but I don't think that's going to happen. =P
• 3:Did anyone close to you give birth?
• 99% of the people I have on Facebook. 
• 4:Did anyone close to you die?
• My uncle. He was a great guy but I sadly was not able to attend his funeral in Virginia. 
• 5:What countries did you visit?
• Stayed in this one, once again.
• 6:What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013
• More confidence. And glitter eyeshadow!!! 
• 7:What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
• I don't recall any specific dates that will remain in my memory. I take one day at a time and try not to obsess about what day it is. 
• 8:What was your biggest achievement of the year?
• I finished my biology class without strangling anyone and because of that I get to graduate this spring.
• 9:What was your biggest failure?
• Not getting cast in anything. It wasn't so much a "failure" as it was me being disappointed in myself. 
• 10:Did you suffer illness or injury?
• I had a hellacious cold this year and I lost my voice. But other than those two thing, no. 
• 11:What was the best thing you bought?
• I bought my mom some original Celine Dion perfume for Christmas which is super hard to find in stores and that seemed to make her happy so that was good. As for myself, I really love the black boots that I bought (I call them my Daria boots)
• 
• and at the beginning of the year I bought The Third Kingdom by Terry Goodkind. I really enjoy The Sword of Truth series and this book did not disappoint. 

• 12:Whose behavior merited celebration?
• The Pope. 
• 13:Whose behavior made you appalled?
• I'm not sure if this was appalling but I sure as hell was shocked with that VMA performance by Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke. Not to say that Miley's behavior year has been all Virgin Mary, but I always thought Robin Thicke was a creep. I think it was New Year's 2012 when I realized this. If you wear sunglasses inside at 2 am and grind up against every female possible that is creepy. 
• Justin Bieber makes me appalled along with all of the Kardashians. I say in 2014 we stop making these talent-less losers famous. 
• People who are rude and demeaning to others also go on this list. How about we starts being  kind to others and stop talking down to them?

14:Where did most of your money go?

Schooling! 

15:What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My voice acting audition. It was really fun and they even provided the auditioners with beverages and snacks! 

• 16:What song will always remind you of 2013?
• What Does the Fox Say? 
• 17:Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
• I'm about the same. I lost a little weight. I think I'm poorer. 
• 18:What do you wish you’d done more of?
• Talked to more people. 
• 19:What do you wish you’d done less of?
• Crying and stressing. 
• 20:How did you spend Christmas?
• With my family like I do every year. 
• 21:Did you fall in love in 2013?
• No. 
• 22:What was your favorite TV program?
• Person of Interest. American Horror Story also brought it once again.
• 23:Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
• Hate is such a strong word. However, I met a few people I wish to never come in contact with again. 
• 24:What was the best book you read?
• I actually read quote a few good ones this year but I thought The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo was excellent. 
• 25:What was your greatest musical discovery?
• Blackmore's Night and Queens of the Stone Age. 
• 26:What did you want and get?
• I didn't really want anything this year so everything I got was very special.
• 27:What did you want and not get?
• Wait, I take that back. I would have liked to have been cast in something.
• 28:What was your favorite film of this year?
• I wasn't able to see any new films this year but I'm probably going to the theater to see Saving Mr. Banks in a few days. As for the best film I have seen that did not come out this year, I must admit that I found Thor pretty good. 
• 29:What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
• Cupcakes. Always cupcakes.
• 30:How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
• Nothing special. Kind of the same as last year but with more pink.
• 31:What kept you sane?
• Music and writing.
• 32:Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
• N/A
• 33:What political issue stirred you the most?
• There's a whole bunch but the Obamacare thing seems to have stirred a lot of debate.
• 34:Who did you miss?
• Honestly, I try my best not to miss people. 
• 35:Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
•  Don't say anything to any of your family members at Christmas time. 
• 36:Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
• If I could tell the world just one thing
  It would be that we're all ok
• - Hands by Jewel 

Merry Christmas!

Well merry day after Christmas. I hope all of you who celebrate had a super fantastic time! As for those who don't celebrate Christmas, I hope you had a wonderful day too!

The family Christmas this year was kind of put together at the last minute considering my grandma and aunt had absolutely no power for two days. My grandma came over to my house on Monday because it would have been absolutely terrible if me and my mom left her to catch her death in a no heated house with no light. She came over at around 6:30 am which I must admit is the time I am usually still asleep, but for some reason I thought it a good idea to get up as soon as she came over.

Throughout the day we played cards and watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation which is probably the funniest Christmas movie ever and if you think differently then you are wrong. Me and my mom also baked about 100 of those Pillsbury break away cookies and gave about 95% of them away to our neighbors and other family members. At around 3:00 me and my grandma went back to her house to see if her electricity came back (it didn't) and took a few things out of her freezer to bring to our house. She also brought a few of her alcoholic beverages and because she is an alcoholic and because some of my druggy neighbors were outside she made me carry them into the house because God forbid anyone sees her with booze! She drank about three Bloody Mary's and then left to go see my aunt and we didn't hear from her until Christmas afternoon.

As for Christmas, I got up early with my mom, we opened our gifts then had donuts for breakfast, which is something I look forward to every year because that is the only time I ever eat donuts. But those few hours were the best out of my entire day.

 For the rest of the day everyone went over to my cousins house for food and family time. As soon as I walked in the door I was greeted with a dog biting me and barking up a storm. According to my aunt "The dog only bit me because it doesn't KNOW me." I don't care. That's not acceptable. I don't wish to offend anyone, but from my experiences, chihuahua's are the worst dog ever.

We all then opened gifts and my aunt had to be extremely rude to everyone and make everyone feel terrible about themselves. My grandma brought her boyfriend or I'm sorry, her 'friend' over this Christmas and the first thing my aunt says to him is; "So have you and >insert grandmothers name< f***ed yet?" Who asks that? Why is it any of your business and WHO CARES? Way to make this guy feel really uncomfortable for absolutely no reason! I think my aunt's problem is that she thinks she's funny when she embarasses people but truth be told, she's just rude and she has a tendency to need attention and if the attention isn't on her 24/7 the she'll make someone feel bad so the conversation can lead to her life stories and what not.

At dinner my grandmothers boyfriend was talking about how his power went out and what not, but of course that can't be a conversation when my aunt is in the room. How dare this guy talk about something other than her! So of course she starts telling a story about how HER power has been off for DAYS and how SHE had to go to her basement to find candles and how SHE almost fell down the stairs which would have caused HER to miss work tomorrow. Because I was getting tired of listening to her stories about herself I said out loud in a sarcastic fashion; "I don't think we were talking about you." Well this lead to her screaming at me, calling me a worthless b**ch and how I am the rudest kid she's ever met and no wonder people like my ex-best friend don't hang out with me anymore." Alrighty then. Let's point out all the very nice things my aunt has done up to that point;
1. Asked my grandmothers boyfriend insanely personal questions
2. Went on private property and stole a sled out of some deceased guys house and gave it to my grandmother for Christmas
3. Told her daughter that she needed to start being more demanding towards her fiance. (story about that whole mess below).
4. Made a whole bunch of backhanded comments towards everyone, so many that I can't even list them all or remember to write them all down.
5. Told me that I needed to start dressing like someone my age and to start wearing thongs because that is how I'll get a boyfriend. X_X
6. Asked my grandmother if she had any money left after she payed for her brand new car.
7. Told my mom that she was "lazy" because she didn't make chex mix this year for the first time ever.

But I'm the rude one. Whatever helps her sleep at night I guess.

After that entire mess my cousin starts yelling at her boyfriend for five minutes on why he is a terrible person. I can't think of one occasion where this hasn't happened.  But nothing says Merry Christmas like screaming at your future husband about why he sucks. And for the record this guy is actually super nice and in my honest opinion way too good for my cousin. But it's not my life and if he wants to put up with her yelling at him 24/7 about what a worthless person he is and how she could leave him at any moment then more power to him.

But other than that Christmas family time was the same usual suckiness, but at least we had food so I'm not going to continue to complain about the company I kept when many people out in the world barely have any food to eat on this holiday let alone any other day of the year. I was thinking about going to a shelter to help out but sadly the closest shelter near where I live is 20 or so miles away.

 I called my dad after the dinner and asked him why his family never gets together anymore for Christmas or why he doesn't invite them down. Because he was drinking heavily when I called he thought it would be fun to call me a stupid bitch and to scream at me about how he will NEVER get his family together for the holidays.

 My mom told me that the only way I can get out of Christmas family dinner time with my whacko family is to get a boyfriend and have him invite me over to his house for Christmas. So that means I'm pretty much stuck with these whackos forever.

But I'm really hoping that all of my blog readers Christmas (or day)  went well and I truly hope to start blogging more in the new year! Happy holidays!!!

Stupid Comments From My Classmates

Every single semester people in all of my classes seem to say the most idiotic things. So before this semester began I decided that I was going to write down all their comments then post them here on my blog so the world knows what I have had to deal with since August. Unfortunately I was not able to write all the comments down but luckily I still have a few that I would like to share with you all.

The Comments

I have two uterus's!

My grandma has 4 kidneys!

My little boy kid had a friend with down syndrome. She was cute and had a button nose and giggled a lot! I loved her more than my son and he will marry her because I have authority over his life! HAHAHAHAHA. (Note: this lady always laughed at herself after everything she said because no one else found her funny.)

Ducks have big penises

I dont take notes. Day dont help on da tests.
*5 classes later*
What'd you write down in your notes?
Can I borrow your notebook? I need to study and didnt take no noteees.

Can I borrow a pencil?
Can I see that pen real quick?
Do you have another pencil laying around?
Hey can I use your writing object?
*Hands the guy a pencil*
You really need to get a mechanical pencil.
ANGER.

Why didn't you come study with us in the library on Monday? This is a team building class and you aren't being a team member. I texted you and everything but you didn't show up.
1. Because I live about 20 minutes away from college and don't really feel like associating with you neanderthals outside of class. 
2. I doubt you would help me 'study.'
3. Also, this class has nothing to do with team building. It is biology, we are here to learn biology. 
4. How could you have possibly written me a text? I didn't even give you my phone number!

I wrote my news article on phosphorous flowers. I dont know how to say phosphorous. Let me talk to you about my stupid topic during the class lecture.

What'd you get on your test? - Every time a test was handed back. You want to know what I got? I got an F because for the essay I explained how I was going to shove a pencil into my neighbors skull if she didn't stop reading the power points out loud in a mummbly-like fashion!
I've only shown up for 2 classes. I don't know what's going on man!
I got drunk this morning so if I'm hungover through the class tonight just tell me.

I cant get on apia.
Is the apia signment due today?
Can you get on Apia?
I already did my apia.
Apia had 29 questions this week. Too much apia time I spent on apia.
It's  APLIA you stupid, stupid moron. Say it with me. ApLia. It has an L.

Dickens was a terrible man and he did pot!- From the guy who quoted Dickens. I found out that he may have been a little bit off which is a shame. He told me that dragons were a symbol of sexual desire in class today then said Dickens injected pot into his veins. I don't know much about drugs but I don't think you can inject it. Nor do I think pot was all the rage in the 1800's.

Stripes are the shape of God. Pyramids are the creation of hell.- Stripes are not a shape, they are a design. And why is there always some religious loony in my class?

Im gonna get wasted then bang a bartender tonight.

Ariel aint a princess cuz she's a mermaid. - Ariel is so a princess! You want to know who isn't? Mulan. She married a general and was daughter to a commoner. But she doesn’t need to be included as a princess because quite frankly, she deserves her own freaking category

Me: I apologize if I don't talk much during lab tonight. I have an awful cold.
Condescending lady: I be sick too! I had to go to church this morning then come here to dis class. Stop 'plaining.



My family has an Ireland heritage so I have red hair. All Ireland heritages have red hair.- Too bad 'Ireland heritage' isn't a thing and too bad I happen to also have ancestors from the great country of Ireland and turned out as a light brunette. 

Im REAL fair skinned and one time I got sunburnt!- No way! Because sunburn never happens to us other fair skinned folks of the world.

Stupid guy: That coke for me? Thanks!- Touch my diet coke and you will lose a finger. 

*Some random person talking about Obama*
Girl sitting next to me: Who's Obama?
Me: Really?
Girl: Yeah. I keep hearing his name lately.
Get out of this country. Right now. GO.
Me: He's the president of the United States. This is his second term.
Girl: Oh. Politics aren't my thing

And speaking of politics-
*Teacher is talking about some important biologists who were considered less valuable to science than Charles Darwin. The government shutdown was also taking place at this time in 2013.*
Teacher: And then they (the other biologists) gave up. JUST LIKE THE REPUBLICANS.
Whoa. Way to totally take this lecture to the next level! Because that comment was certainly needed! 

Guy: EVERYONE LISTEN UP! You best tell your kids to stay home this Halloween. Halloween is a dangerous holiday! The streets are dangerous!
Yes. Indeed it can be quite the dangerous holiday. Good thing this guy and these YouTube videos taught me all about the dangers of Halloween. 

 They are all sooo jellos of me cuz I didn't fail this test!
I am so jellos. Jiggly jiggle.

Man, Watson was a total G! I could easily see myself drinking with that guy if, you know, he wasn't dead. *elbow nudge*


That's it. That's all I got. Usually none of my classes are filled with this many idiots but because this semester was my last I should have expected something like this to happen.

So What Happens Now?

Tonight was my last final for my very last class ever in community college. If I pass it then I pass the class and get to graduate? Then what?  What am I going to do? I will graduate but then afterwards what will my life become? Will I be able to find a job? Is my major going to amount to anything? Will I be able to receive any type of job when it comes to theatre or acting? Where do I go from here? What happens now? I do believe I will be at  at a crossroad after graduation. I think I may be at a crossroads in my life now. 

To be honest I'm terrified. I'm afraid of the real world. I don't know anything about finances or mortgage or life. I can't even bake cookies without them turning into little hard squares and that just happened this week thanks to my clever idea to not use baking soda. School never teaches you those kinds of things yet they will continuously drill into your head the value of punnett squares and why Shakespeare was the coolest dude who ever lived. Don't get me wrong, I love Shakespeare, but he will be of no use to me if I ever decide to move away and live on my own to pursue my dream.

The counselor at my college was no help when I went into his office before my last class this semester.
Counselor: What's your major?
Me: I'm majoring in performing arts.
Counselor: Like lighting and all that?
Me: No, I enjoy the acting aspect.
Counselor: Well you may as well have saved your money by coming here. Nobody ever makes it as an actor, only about 5% of people do. Why wouldn't you major in something practical like business? I can recommend some classes for you if you wish to go that route.
Me: I don't want to major in business.
Counselor: There are other options. You can work in medicine or math or science. 
Me: Thank you for your concern but at the moment I wish to graduate with an associate in arts then go elsewhere. If I choose to major in anything else I will personally request to speak with you again.
Counselor: That's nice but I want you to be practical. Unless you get accepted into  U of M for this "acting" business, you are going nowhere. And although your grades are impressive they don't meet U of M's standards because you got a D in geography two semesters ago.
Me:  >_< 

Although I'm not applying for any other colleges at the moment I don't want this guy to be right. I don't want to be a nobody. I don't want to be one of those people who made a practical choice when it came to their career and then ended up hating myself and my job every day. I have seen enough people like this to know that is not how I want to become. 

At the end of class today I walked through the halls one last time to reminisce in my four years. I remember sitting at a little bench in the hallway talking to some of my friends who have long since moved on. I remember the first time I went to apply to the college and looked inside the theatre through the tiny windows just to see if anyone was practicing in there on a Saturday (no one was.) I remember standing in the hall before my Shakespeare class and literature class every day and talking to my classmates about what we read or did that week. I remember the first time I performed on the colleges smaller stage. I remember sitting alone in a large room with a fancy chair every morning and reading the student newspaper waiting for my philosophy class to start. I remember going to constitution day with my history class for a grade. I remember how crazy some of the teachers were but I also remember how wonderful and smart and kind some were as well. How much I disliked most of the students, how much I admired and respected and liked others. I remember everything about my four years in college no matter how big or how small. I hope to remember these things forever. 

But really, what now? What happens now? My journey may have truly just begun. 

Steak n' Shake, Flowers, and Dickens

Today in my biology class we had to count off in fours to do a group assignment to present next class. In this class I am all for randomly selecting groups based on the fact that the group I'm always stuck with sucks. I was familiar with everyone in my group with the exception of this one guy who I'm pretty sure has only been to one class at the beginning of the semester because I remember sitting somewhat by him earlier in the year. But this guy is in my group and he surprisingly knows what the hell he is talking about which I found extremely great because nobody else in the group seemed to have a clue and two of the girls kept rambling about going to Steak n' Shake after class.

But this guy listened to everyone elses non-realistic ideas while he was working on how to actually answer the question we received and then explained everything to the entire group without sounding demeaning or arrogant or like we had to use his idea. Hooray for non-demeaning/non-arrogant people! After a minute or so one of the Steak n' Shake girls speaks up and says "This is a stupid question! I don't even ask questions because whenever someone asks a question they sound stupid." Alright girl, you sound stupid by just saying that aloud and not keeping the thought in your head. This guy then responds to Ms. Steak n' Shake by saying “Ask no questions, and you'll be told no lies.” I found that a really odd thing to say at the time and didn't think anything more of it until lab when I realized that this guy quoted Mr. Charles Dickens. WHERE HAS THIS GUY BEEN THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SEMESTER?!?!?

However, I do believe that I may have seemed a bit of a moron to him. I will admit right now that I am having trouble comprehending the genetic chapters in biology and have no freaking idea how to create a punnett square. I at least had a grasp on the concepts before these last few chapters and now I am completely lost. Great. The one and only person all semester who does not make me want to stab something and I don't know what is going on in the class. This is just dandy. Dandelion dandy this is! Plus I drew a flower on the worksheet because the worksheet was talking about flower growth and I wanted to contribute in some way!

^ Replica of my flower drawing.

Explanations and Stupidity In Biology

I got my test back from biology today. Let me just tell you that in order to pass the test it would be a wise idea to not even bother looking at the study guide because nothing on the three page study guide is going to be on the test. Obviously I didn't do too well but nobody got a C or higher so I guess that's a good thing. =/ A not so good thing is I learned tonight during lab that in order for me to pass this class and graduate I have to get a good grade on the next test. I do believe that it is time to find a tutor. Have mercy on my soul.

By the way, I'm about ready to kill Mr. Wheelchair guy. For real. Ever time he comes to class (why he's even bothering at this point in time I couldn't tell you), he shows up 25 minutes late, sits right by me and asks what's going on and wishes to engage in conversation with me, which means he is disrupting my learning and note taking. He then starts yelling at me about how I never texted him the notes from all 250 days he's missed. Because I totally have his phone number and should have called him to explain some notes from EIGHT WEEKS AGO. But no, I believe my response to him was;


For real. Why does this guy continue to show up? I'm barely passing and I only missed ONE CLASS.

The other thing about this fool is that every time he decides to show up he freaking talks to people on his phone and my professor doesn't even seem to care! I flipped out on him today because of this.
Guy on other end of phone: Hey man wassup? (Yeah, let's use speakerphone, that will OBVIOUSLY NOT CAUSE ANY DISTRACTIONS!)
Him: I aint doin  much, you?
Guy on phone: You busy?
Him: Nah not really, whats up?


Me: Hey can you please put your phone away. Please?
Him: (to me) Shh! Ah no man, just telling a girl to shut up.
Me: SHHH me again and I will break your face!
Him: Yeah I better go. No wait? Sandra's b-day party is today? Nah man, Ill be there.
Me: Hang up.
Him: Girl I told you to chillax.
ALRIGHT THAT'S IT. My name is not girl and Nobody NOBODY tells me to chillax or SHH's me.
Me: If you don't hang up RIGHT NOW I'm going to f***ing throw your mother f***ing cell phone across the room.
Him: (completely avoiding me) Sandra be tight!
Me: (takes the cell phone out of his hand, turns the phone off, then places it on the other side of the table)
Him: HEY! Why you take my cell phone? THAT'S THIEVERY AND RUDE!
Me: No. What's rude is forcing  people to listen to your stupid conversation in the middle of class. Not only is it rude but it's disrespectful as well.
Him: STFU girl I wasn't done talking!
Me: I WILL CUT YOU!!!
Yeah, this conversation makes me sound like a crazy freak but let me tell you that I have put up with this guys crap for too long. And I must have said that last part pretty crazily or I possibly looked crazy while saying it because he didn't have anything else to say to me after that, nor did he answer his phone again or call anyone. But why telling him to not use a cell phone in the middle of class was my job I couldn't tell you. You would think our professor would care or notice by the 12th time he's done it but she sadly has not and that is unsettling to think about.

Then after class there is lab. Stupid phone guy sits right by me in lab and I have to explain to him that our extra credit is due today, which was write on a topic of your choice which has two sides. Because he doesn't have his extra credit he starts telling the professor that it's her fault that she didn't inform him of the extra credit. Well here's a little idea; READ YOUR FREAKING SYLLABUS. So he tells her that he has to go back to the classroom to get his cigarettes and notebook which was a huge lie considering our classroom is only downstairs and is wheelchair accessed and he took about an hour or so to come back. Plus he came back with a typed up extra credit paper. What a miraculous find he found! Then he wants to know what we're doing in lab. Maybe if you were here and participating and listening you would know the answer to that question! Because I started ignoring him at this point he starts yelling at me and another girl on how we want to make him fail. Uh no, you are doing that all by yourself, don't you dare blame me for your problems. It is not my requirement to help someone who doesn't seem to want help.

Getting back to the extra credit thing, if you explained what you wrote about in class you got 5 extra points. I didn't explain my paper and missed out on the 5 extra points because last time I tried explaining one of my papers I started crying and didn't want to go through that again. By the way, giving a presentation is NOT the same as acting. If I have to remind someone of this again I am going to be very angry. Here is how that conversation usually goes.
Me: I don't like presenting.
Person: But you want to go into acting. It's the same thing!!!
Me: NOT REALLY
Person: Yeah it is! You should love presenting!
Me: No. They are two completely different things. When you are on stage you have lines. When you have to give an explanation of something during a presentation you don't have the words written down for you.
Person: I DON'T UNDERSTAAAAND!!!
Me: Lines= good Randomly saying stuff= bad

I was not blessed with the gift of incredible explanation. There are people who can explain things and say really wonderful words off the top of their head but I am not one of those people. Most people in my class could explain what they did their research paper on and they sounded all neat and used words like "exemplification" and "harvest" and "narrowing."  I could never use such clever words in a sentence spoken aloud. When I try to explain anything aloud (especially in a setting with a lot of people) I tend to do one of two things.
1. Cry
2. Stupidly explain what my paper says but make it sound like I don't know WTH I'm talking about.
This is only when I have to explain things in detail though, without a piece of paper. Give me a power point or a poster and they help me not sound idiotic.

I can write so many amazing words down such as "narrowing" but I can't say them aloud which is kind of strange. I can recite lines but when I have to say something off the cuff  I fail miserably. Just thought I would throw that random fact about me out there.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful December so far!!!